Tag: Unhealthy relationship

Relationship Nuggets 004

Love involves making sacrifices. However, it is totally unwise to make sacrifices blindly for someone just because you love him/her. Before you make sacrifices in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if the person you want to make sacrifice for will do the same for you if you are in his/her position. You deserve the kind of love you give out. Love is not just about giving, it also involves receiving. Don’t be the only one going out of your way to ensure the relationship continue to exist. If the feelings, effort and sacrifice are not mutual then it is not good for your mental and emotional well-being. Stay clear of any person that pressurise you to make sacrifices for them before starting a relationship with you or a partner that put continuous pressure on you to make sacrifices for them and start acting funny each time you are unable to do what they want. People like these are not with you because they want to be with you but for what they stand to gain from being with you.

 

 
There is no amount of sacrifices you can make for someone in the name of love that will make him/her to stay in your life forever if he/she doesn’t want to stay. Making sacrifices for someone that doesn’t love you will make him/her sees you as a means to achieve his/her ends. Such a person will eventually leave you after using you to achieve their ends. Be wise, only make sacrifices for people that truly loves you and will deeply appreciate your efforts for them. Make sacrifices for people you are assured of your position in their lifes. People who won’t hesitate to do more than you have done for them in the relationship when the need arises.

 

 

Communication is key to building a healthy and loving relationship. If you want to retain the fire of romance between you and your partner make effort to communicate on a daily basis when you are together and when you far apart. And you don’t need to have something special to discuss before you reach out to your partner. Create an enabling environment for easy flow of communication between you and your partner. Make your partner feel at ease to say out their mind without the fear of being judged or criticized. Regular communication will make the bond between you and your partner grow stronger and it will also help you and your partner to understand each other better day by day. If you want to be your partner’s best friend and confidant improve on the level of communication between you and him/her.

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Don’t Stay In An Abusive/Unhealthy Relationship: Relationship Is Not A Do Or Die Affair

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

Relationship should not be rush into just because you dread the feeling of being lonely.

Being single doesn’t mean your life is miserable.

So don’t enter into a relationship because you are lonely. You shouldn’t allow loneliness push you into unhealthy or toxic relationship.

Why would you stay in a relationship that bring continuous sorrow and pain to you, when there is someone out there who will cherish you and go the extra mile just to ensure you are happy.

Life is too short why would you decide to spend most of it in sadness and sorrow all in a name of relationship.

Our relationship determines to a great extent if we are going to enjoy our life on earth or not.

Though no relationship is perfect but a healthy relationship will not derail your life or career and bring you continuous sorrow, pain and sleepless night.

A person that truly loves you will always be careful not to hurt your feelings and make concerted effort to make you a happier and better person than you can be without him/her.

Relationship is not all about money.

Relationship is not all about catching feelings.

Relationship is not all about physical attraction.

You must learn to develop your emotional intelligence so as to prevent your emotions from controlling your life and causing you to make wrong choice when it comes to chosing a partner.

You must not allow your emotion to always determine the direction of your life and relationship.

Stop desiring or longing for someone who take you for granted just because he/she looks great or support you financially.

Stop longing for someone who you have to fight for his/her attention and affection just you find it difficult to stop thinking about him/her.

Stop falling in love with the same kind of people that keep using and dumping you.

Stop falling in love with people that make you feel inadequate and hard to love.

You need to displine and guide your heart.

Guide your heart with all dilligent for out of it flows the decision that will make or mar you in life and relationship.

Only give your heart to someone that will value and take good care of it.

Stop chasing people that you need to convince before they notice your worth and uniqueness.

Quit worrying about someone who does not have time for you.

You don’t need to beg for attention and affection from a person that loves and values you.

Learn to let go of any person or relationship that continuously cause you pain/hurt your feelings.

Any relationship that take away your happiness, peace of mind and sound night sleep is too expensive, let it go.

You must learn to know when to keep fighting for your relationship and when to give up on a dead relationship.

Love yourself enough to settle for someone that makes you happy and better.

You must also know that there is a difference between fighting for love and fighting for someone to love you.

Real and true love is never complicated, the moment things is getting complicated that is the best time to walk away.

Complicated relationship is nothing but time waster and joy killer.

Decide to always be with someone that cherish and appreciates you.

Decide to either be in a healthy relationship or be alone.

What You Allow: Will Continue

There is no perfect relationship anywhere.

So don’t expect to have a perfect relationship but healthy and loving relationship is a realistic and attainable goal.

Every relationship has its own challenges but there are some issues that are not part of the challenges expected of a healthy relationship. Once they start showing up in your relationship then you should know that there is a fire on the mountain. Some of these issues include habitual cheating, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation among others.

However, lot of people faces these issues and have gotten accustom to it to the extent of seeing it as a normal part of a relationship which is totally unhealthy.

Virtually, all relationship start on a sweet, loving and romantic note until one of the partners start showing their true colour -character.

If all relationships continues the way they begin, most relationships will never come to an end.
People usually start showing their true colour in relationships when they notice that their partner has become emotionally attached to them or after they have gotten what they want.

It is important to pay attention when your people start acting “who they truly are”. Don’t ever make a mistake of re-painting people when they show you their true colour by making excuses for them because of your emotional attachment to them.

It is better to end a relationship when your partner start showing his or her true colour before you get deeply involved in the quagmire over the time and you wind up in a complicated relationship.

Some people believe that what will be, will be but i don’t think it is wise to totally depend on such philosophy when it comes to relationship.

My belief is you meet your partner by fate and you fell in love by chance but your relationship will only work out by choice- the decisions you and your partner make with respect to your relationship. This is due to the fact that relationship requires effort if it will stand the test of time and be a healthy one.
However, it takes two to tangle. Only you cannot make your relationship healthy, loving and lasting. You and your partner must be actively involved in building your relationship to be healthy, loving and lasting.

In the course of building your relationship a lot of things will happen both the good and the bad. For the good stuff, you must encourage, appreciate and reciprocate if you want it to continue. For the bad stuff, you must address if you want it to stop.
Many people don’t want to be perceived as a nag hence they chose to keep quiet when they notice something is not right in their relationship.

The problem is ignoring a bad situation doesn’t make it disappear as many may have wanted.

It usually make situation worse.

The only way to arrest a bad situation is to address it immediately it rises.

Some people ignore problem because of the fear of what the outcome will be if they address it.

There are two possibilities when you decide to address an issue bothering you in your relationship as a result of your partner’s behaviour. The first is, the situation maybe remedy and your relationship will get better. The second is, the situation may get worse and the relationship will come to an end. Both outcome are very important. The first one indicate that your partner truly love and value you and the relationship while the second indicate otherwise.

Atimes you must be willing to let go before you can make some people want to change for good and stop taking you for granted.

Don’t be afraid of losing a partner that is causing you to continually lose your happiness and peace of mind.

Don’t allow your fear for loneliness make you remain in a relationship that continuously bring you sadness and sorrow.

Don’t allow an abusive relationship make you lose your sanity or send you to an early grave.
Whenever you notice something is not right in your relationship or you caught your partner doing what is not right, it is important to address the situation before it get out of hand.

Beyonce and Cardi B once caught their partner Jay Z and Offset respectively cheating. They address the issue instead of pretending it doesn’t happen. They both made it clear to their partner that they would not tolerate a cheating partner. Beyonce warning for Jay Z gave rise to her song “Lemonade”. Cardi B likewise sang ” Be Careful” to warn her unfaithful fiance, Offset of Migos.
The bottomline is this:

What you continue to keep quiet about and endure will continue to happen in your relationship.

If you are not happy with the situation in your relationship be courageous enough to speak to your partner about it, don’t die in silence.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not working and making you happier than you can be on your own let your partner know what he or she is not doing right. Demand a change, if they refuse to change for better it is okay if you work out of the relationship.

Don’t allow any relationship make you feel you deserve to be treated as a second fiddle.

Don’t allow anyone make you feel you deserve to be physically, mentally, sexually or emotionally abuse.

Don’t lose your dignity and self-worth while trying to hold on to a relationship with someone who doesn’t even care about your feelings or happiness.

If you don’t want it to continue, demand a change or walk away. If you tolerate it, it will continue.

Hurting People Hurt People

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Love and human beings are inseparable. Love is just an abstract thing which totally depend on human to be felt or expressed.

Love is a beautiful thing but human can chose to be good or wicked.

Your experience of love is totally dependent on the persons you encountered in your quest to find love.

If you come in contact with a wholesome person you will have a wholesome love experience. On the other hand, if you come in contact with a hurting person, what will most definitely happen is they will hurt you too either intentionally or otherwise.

 

I observe that there is a lot of bitter, broken and hurting persons has a result of hurt and disappointment from past failed relationships resulting in a vicious cycle of unhealthy and abusive relationships in recent time.

If you are hurting or broken hearted rushing into another relationship is not the best choice for you.

Oftentimes hurting people rush into the arm of another romantic partner not out of love but loneliness.

If you are hurting or broken hearted healing process should be your number one priority not another love affair.

When you are hurting you wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to give your best in a relationship.

You will be skeptical about love and everything about the new partner. You will have trust and commitment issues. You will be absent minded in the relationship. All of these and many more will directly or indirectly hurt your new partner.

It is important to ensure you seek healing for your hurting and broken heart before you consider sharing the heart with someone new.

Don’t let someone who have no idea about who hurt you suffer for the pain and hurt you experienced in your past relationship.

Danger Of Staying Too Long In An Unhealthy Relationship

I once read a story of an eaglet some few years ago that best illustrates the danger of staying too long in an unhealthy relationship.

Here is the story. A hunter saw an eagle’s egg on his way home from a deep forest.

He actually went on a hunt for bush meat but he was unable to kill a single animal.

As a compensation for his wasted time on a futile hunt, he decided to take the egg home.

When he reached home, he put the egg amidst the eggs of one of his laying hens in his backyard.

With time the hen hatched all the eggs under it. The young eagle not knowing better flock with the chicks.

He settled for the low life of a mere chicken. His behavior and expectations were same as the other chicks, unknown to him that he was designed for something better and greater.

Until one faithful afternoon,while picking up worm for lunch, the eaglet saw another young eagle soaring high in the sky. The image of the eaglet in the sky  created a strange stirring and desire within him that is totally different to what he was used to. Suddenly it dawned on the eaglet that he was settling for less than he deserves because he knew that there was no single difference between him and the soaring eaglet.

It was the desire to experience something better and the knowledge that he deserves more than he has been experiencing in the hunter’s backyard that liberated the eaglet and led him to experience the brighter and elevated side of life. The end.
Most of us are like that eaglet because we allow our environment and experience to put a limit on our expectations in life especially in the aspect of our relationship.

Because we have stayed alone for too long, we decided to jump on any person that comes our way asking us for a relationship. Just because we have been used, dumped or jilted in our past relationships and age is no longer on our sides, we start praying to just find someone, anyone that we will get married to, without due consideration about the kind of marriage life we want and what kind person is ideal for us.
Some people have known only unhealthy relationships that they start believing relationships is a waste of time.

Many even start seeing healthy relationship as normal relationships because they have stayed too long in too many unhealthy relationships and they are already acclimated. The danger in this is you soon beginning to get used to being treated badly and as a matter of fact you may start expecting and enjoying it.

You will beginning to lose your self esteem. You might even pick up bad or toxic habit that has the potential to destroy your future healthy relationship.

Unhealthy relationships make you see yourself as someone who doesn’t deserve what she/ he wants or desires.

It makes you think you are not loveable or it’s difficult to love you.

You may start thinking you are meant to always be a second fiddle to your partner because you are used to competing for love and attention.

You might even begin to think it’s okay to beg for love and attention.

It can make a lady feels its normal to be continuously cheated on by her guy.

It can also make a lady feels it is normal to be hit repeatedly by men.
A part of us long for something better.

We want someone that will love us unconditionally and completely.

We want someone that will love and care for us selflessly and endlessly.

This usually happens when we see people who are in love and treating each other well.

The same stirring to go for something better that aroused in the eaglet occur in us.

But we often convinced ourselves that what we long for is not realistic. We assumed that the relationship we are not happy with, is the only realistic thing so we hold on tightly to what is hurting us, that, we are supposed to let go because of the fear of being alone.

We allow the fear of being alone to prevent us from experiencing something better by letting go of a toxic relationship to create room for a loving and healthy relationship.

Instead of doing the needful we would rather choose to be hopeful that our partner will one day turn a new leaf and start treating us better.

Atimes we even start lowering our standard and expectations concerning our relationship.

This usually happened unconsciously.

The adserve effect of unhealthy relationship is too numerous for this article to exhaust.

The best thing to do is to move out of unhealthy relationship. It is better to be alone than to be in a toxic relationship.

My first aim of writing this piece is to let you know the danger of staying too long in an unhealthy relationship.

Secondly to remind you of what you deserves as a human being.

You deserve the following:
1. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t leave you guessing where you stand with them.
2. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel like you are not good enough for them.
3. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel crazy for wanting to spend more time with them.
4. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you compete or fight for their love, care and attention.
5. You deserve a relationship with someone who finds you amazing and can never get enough of you.
6. You deserve a relationship with someone who thinks you are the best thing that has ever happened to them.
7. You deserve a relationship with someone who makes you feel loved, special and unique: and treats you better than you think you deserve.
8. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t always wait for you to first reach out to them before making effort to talk to you.
9. You deserve a relationship with someone who truly loves you and always put your happiness ahead or equal with their own.
10. You deserve a relationship with someone who will accept you the you are and never used your past to judge you.
11. You deserve a relationship with someone who will support, encourage and bring out the best in you.
Feel free to add yours to the list. The bottom line is don’t waste your time in an unhealthy relationship and you are not crazy for craving for something better in your relationship pursuit.

I hope you find this piece quite helpful.

I really value your feedback.

Never Beg For Attention

Any relationship where you have to beg for attention and love is not a healthy one.

Respect and love yourself enough to walk away from such.

If he or she is not showing you the attention and affection you need.

Talk to him/ her about it, don’t just go with the flow.

If things doesn’t improve after the discussion make the right decision.

You should know that there are many people out there waiting for an opportunity to shower you with love, care and attention.

Stop blocking your chance of experiencing true love and happiness by staying in a relationship where you have to beg for attention and affection.

Love yourself enough to do the needful.

#155 Quote

Four Signs Of A Complicated Relationship

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Naturally relationship takes effort, time and resources.

Atimes these demands can be overwhelming. Needless to say complicated relationship will be more overwhelming and soul sapping.

What makes a complicated relationship even worse is the fact that you are hopelessly investing into a not definite thing with a desperation to see it work.

There are so many people whose lives have been made a mess just because they got theirselves into a complicated love affair.
Most time its not obvious from the beginning that a relationship will wound up to become a complicated one but there are signals by which you can recognise if a relationship has become a complicated one or not.

The following are the signs to look out for :

 

1. If You Don’t Have Something Definitive: Don’t get it twisted, relationship is not just having someone to call or talk to.

It is not just having someone to share a bed with. Relationship is more than that.

All of that is nothing more than friendship with benefits or better still a complicated affair.

If what you have is not definitive then you actually don’t have anything to hold on to.

A serious relationship should be concrete. You should know exactly where you stand in a relationship. If you don’t clearly know where you stand with your partner in a love affair,this is the right time for you to ask in order to clarify all doubt.

Never should you assume. And take serious the reply you get.

 

2. If You Are Not Genuinely Happy: Though it is often said that one’s happiness should come from within not from others.

However, it can never be over be overemphasis that the people around us have a huge effect on us especially when it comes to our happiness and feelings in general.

This is more glaring if the person is someone we share an intimate relationship with.

So if this person you have chosen as the love of your life does not make any effort to make you happy then you should double check if the status of such relationship is not complicated.

A person who truly loves you and take you serious will naturally want to help you find your own happiness from within and also make conscious effort to make you happy.

 

3. If He/She Does Not Care About Your Feelings: This is a no brainer. These days cheating has become the norms in most relationships.

However, a guy or girl that loves you and take what you share serious will not flauntly cheat on you if he or she cheat at all.

On the contrary, a guy or lady that does not take you serious will do all sorts of things without considering if it will hurt your feelings or not.

 

4. If You Are The Only One Doing The Giving: If you are the only one putting in the effort, time, attention and resources into the relationship so that it can continue to exist then it’s totally unhealthy and complicated my dear.

A serious relationship is like a two sided coin. It is a give and take scenario.

For the sake of your mental health and healthy self esteem a one sided relationship should be a No-No.

Put your relationship under the search light. Ladies and gentlemen if your relationship is not a two sided relationship nearing balance it is time to think twice about you continuing to invest your time, effort and resources in a relationship that is bound to fail.

Don’t make your life complicated and difficult by wallowing in a complicated relationship.

Take your life back and move forward to something better.