Tag: Serious relationship

4 Signs That Will Let You Know If He Is A Player

One of the most frequently asked questions from ladies in Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa and India whenever I am sought after for relationship advice is “how can I know if he is real? “.

In other words, they are asking how can they differentiate between a guy that that truly loves them from those guys that just want to hit the jackpot few things and then hit the road.

Lot of single ladies are concerned about knowing how to separate a guy with genuine interest from the guy that is just after sex.

Guys who after getting sex move to the next available woman. Guys like that are often referred to as players because they play with ladies emotions in order to get what they want.

This article is written in order to help you spot guys whose intentions is to play around love just to get you to bed and then move to the next lady.

My purpose of writing is to help you as a lady avoid unnecessary heartbreaks, heartaches and disappointment.

Who is a player?

A player is someone who plays around love in order to get sex.

He pretends to have genuine interest in a lady until he gets what he is really after then shows his true colours.

A player is just after the moment, he doesn’t foresee a future with you.

A player is like a hunter, he keeps his gaze upon his target.

He does everything practically possible to get his target.

He chase unrelentingly until he gets what he wants.

He goes the extra mile.

He deceive.

He play the fool.

He creates a magnificent impression that makes him appear larger than life.

He is a rake and dandy.

The moment he gets what he wants from you the hunting game change.

The table turns in his favour because the chase becomes the chaser.

Once this happen they have the upper hand and begin to call the shot.

They will manipulate and take undue advantage of such a lady that falls into their Trap.

So how can you avoid falling victim to a player?

Here are signs that will help you know if a guy have a genuine intentions for you or he is just one of those players who are after sex and nothing more.

 
1) He Avoids Anything Definitive: One of the tricks of players is to be vague in their approach to ladies and relationships.

A player try every possible means to avoid being committed to just one lady/relationship.

They make you get confused about what exactly you have with them. You will be sure it’s not mere friendship because sex is involved but you won’t be able to define it as a relationship.

They leave doubting what you mean to them and where you belong in their lives.

They will awake your love without planning to actually love you back. They will make you become emotionally attached and hopeful about them without being committed to you.

They give you false hope that things will soon get serious between the two of you.

Their actions towards you will make you to continue to give them a benefit of doubt.

They will keep enjoying the benefits (your cookies) while you are in doubt of what exactly you share, who you are to them and if things will ever get serious.

Avoid guys who want to eat your cookies without any form of commitment.

If you are looking for a serious relationship don’t waste your time with someone who avoids defining what exist between you and him but just want you to go with the flow.

Guys like this want the package without paying for it.

They want to enjoy the goodies in a relationship without actually being in it in commitment-wise.

Before giving your goodies to a guy make you have both defined what you both want and he will be committed to you and the relationship.

Don’t be that lady he gives attention and affection to whenever he is horny.

These days players don’t hit and run. They hit and hit and hit until you run away yourself.

Be smart. Don’t be a sex object to any guy.

Define what is it that exist between you and a guy and let be clear to both of you.

 

2. He entices with money and material stuff: Players believe every woman has a price.

Player believe with money you can get any woman to open her legs. They believe all it takes to get any woman is money and material stuff.

Truth be told, this is true for many ladies though.

So a player never fails to use this weakness to their advantage when it comes to chasing women.

A player try his possible best to create a larger than life impression.

And this usually work because most ladies enter into a relationship because of monetary and material gain.

A player makes plan on how much he needs to spend in order to impress and get a lady to bed.

He is usually not bother about the cash he has to part with in order to get a lady because he doesn’t plan staying long with her.

His plan is always simple: spend some money to impress her, get her to bed and change your attitude towards her.

Some players even take the game to another level by not changing their attitude but planning to get the money they spent on the lady back through emotional manipulation and black mail.

So be careful if you run into a guy who is overly focus on impressing you with money and material stuff.

Think twice before you fall head over heels for such a guy because he might just be a player using it as a bait to trap you into his game.

 
3. He does everything in excess: This is another signs to look out for. A player studies his target and determines which method is best to put to use in order to get what he want.

They can be extremely controlling or assertive so as to intimidate you and make you give in.

They can also be extremely patient with you if you are proving difficult or hard to get.

Heard of stories of guys been patient with a girl for months just to in between the legs and still hit the road after getting it.

They can be extremely sweet with words if they find that to be your soft spot. Such will be sweet to you whenever he wants to get you to bed and change afterwards.

They can be extremely blunt about sex just to make you feel it is the coolest thing to do with them.

Most of these extremely blunt guys can stand a lady saying no to them. As a result they might insult and humiliate you just because you don’t give in to their sexual advances.

 
4. He doesn’t make attempt to connect with you: One thing that is certain about we guys is we usually try to connect with a lady we have genuine feelings for and plan having in our lives for a long period of time.

We always make effort to find out stuff about a lady we love in order to understand and be able to relate with her well.

In other words, we make concerted effort to connect if we truly mean business.

A player is not really interested in getting to know you as a person but just interested in getting under your skirt.

If he doesn’t make attempt to connect with you before getting physical with you changes are high he will never try to.

Don’t make a mistake of giving him more sex will make him become interested in you.

There is no amount of sex that will change the mind of someone that is not interested in you except for sex.
Finally, I will advise you also follow your heart. Our mind and heart have an uncanny prowess to detect if someone has genuine intention for us or not but most times we ignore the guidance of our heart and mind and still give the wrong person a chance to hurt us.

We usually allow loneliness, peer pressure, financial benefits and physical attraction get the best of us and distract us from seeing people the way they are.

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2 Important Questions Most Ladies Usually Ask At The Wrong Time

Questions are so important in life because they help us find out answers to stuff that troubles our mind.

Asking questions from others help us to decipher their intentions toward us especially in a romantic relationship.

It is always important to ask questions and get clarifying answers instead of assuming things.

Most people usually assume their position in other people’s lives when it comes to relationship.

Have had stories of ladies and guys who assumed their position in other people’s lives only to find out later that the other person never see them as they have thought they mean to them.

If he didn’t ask you out, don’t assume you have a relationship just because he calls you often and cares about you or uses sweet words for you.

If she didn’t say yes, you don’t have a relationship.

Don’t assume you do because she visits or check up on you. What is not clearly defined usually results to waste of time and effort.

Assumption in relationships usually results to complication.

It pays to ask questions in order to clearly know your stand in a relationship.

Don’t think he wants you, let him spell it out by asking you out and making it official or you do the asking out yourself. Don’t think she wants you, let her spell it out by saying yes to your advances in words and actions.

Asking questions about where you stand in a relationship and where the relationship is heading to is one sure way to avoid heartbreak and waste of your precious time and effort.

So never go with the flow or string along just because you are tired of being single or carried away by the sweetness of person towards you.

Ask questions to be sure you are on the same page except you are not after something serious. Be sure he/she feels the same way about you.

Don’t waste your precious time in an imaginary happily ever after that doesn’t have a beginning.

This article is actually written to address two important questions most ladies usually ask at the wrong time from guys they love and want to have something with for a long period of time.

The wrong timing will not let you get the right answer(truth) and will make you vulnerable to guys that just want to use and dump you.

 
1. What are we: This is a very important question which most ladies ask at the wrong time.

The answer to this question will determine the foundation and direction of your relationship with a guy.

This question must have a concrete answer before you decide to get deeply involved with any guy.

Your relationship should be clearly defined.

It should never be assumed. Never assume you have a relationship with a guy just because he checks on you often or he is always sweet towards you.

Don’t be deceived by constant calls, freebies and sweetness. Guys will do whatever they need to do in order to go down with a lady without having anything clearly defined with her.

That’s why we have Friends with benefits.

Don’t be a victim except that is what you are looking for.

The right time to ask this question is before getting emotional attached and intimate with a guy.

Never make a mistake of going down with a guy before knowing your place in his life.

Asking a guy what are we after sex will make you appear as a joke and slut/cheap girl.

A guy that wants to take you serious might even have a second thought because he might assume that’s how you do with lots of guys even if you don’t.

 
2. Will you marry me: This is another important question ladies often ask at a wrong time. Most ladies ask this question before giving their body to a guy.

This question is often asked to know if the new guy wouldn’t run away after getting what he wants like the other guys have done in time pass.

Ladies I want you to think like a guy for a second.

If you are a guy and all you are after is sex and nothing more.

After trying everything to get her to bed but failed then you discovered that all it takes to eat the honey pot is to make a marriage promise.

Wouldn’t you make it and achieve your set goals.

Am sure if you haven’t fall victim to this, you must have heard about ladies that have been deceived by men with marriage promises just to get what they want.

If you want to know if a guy will marry you or not pay rapt attention to his words(both spoken and unspoken) and actions towards you on a regular basis.

When man has truly decide want to spend the rest of his life with you, you will know by the way he relates, cares and corrects you.

He will let you know about his dreams, aspiration and future plans. And you will definitely feature in those plans.

If a man truly loves you and foresee a future with you, he is going to factor you in into everything he does and it will be obvious to you and everyone around.

I hear ladies say you can’t know if a man truly loves you but I beg to differ.

Most ladies see the warning signs but as human beings we get easily carried away by emotion and chose to close our eyes to glaring back off signs.

In other words, we see what we want to see and ignore the reality.

If you pay rapt attention to your man actions and words towards you, you can easily tell his intentions towards you no matter how much of a liar and pretender he is.

The bottomline is this :

Define your relationship with a man before getting too intimate with him and be sure of what you want in a relationship before deciding to enter into one.

Finally, before you decide to invest your heart, body, soul and spirit into a relationship be sure it is something with a future so you don’t have reason to regret later in life about wasted time and effort or become a hater of all men because of what few men did to you.

 

For advice on any relationship issue, you can reach me through oluwaseyiadeoshun@gmail.com or DM me on twitter and instagram @seyilovedoctor

7 Mistakes You Must Avoid If You Want To Be A Wife Material- A Lady Worth Keeping Forever.

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Lots of ladies enter into relationship with the hope of getting the ring but oftentimes things don’t turn out as expected. This usually make ladies assess themselves to know if they are qualify to be tag a wife material or not.

One thing i want all ladies out there to know is that it is not the man that determines if you are worth keeping(a wife material) or playing, it’s you.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Relationship can be liken to a game. It has a rule and if you don’t know the rules you can’t win. You will be played like a fool. For you to win in any game you must understand the rules and code of the game.

Some ladies are being played by men simply because they don’t know the rules men play by. You can’t control how your opponent play but you have complete control over how you play.

A wise player wouldn’t worry too much about the other player, instead she will focus on mastering the game.

In a similar vein, as a lady you don’t have control over the intention of a guy towards you but you have total control over the impression you make on guys. You don’t determine if a guy will chose to be a player or keeper but you determine if you are worth being keep by a keeper.

In other words, you don’t have power to make a guy stay forever but you have power over portraying yourself as someone worth staying with forever.

So lets discuss the rules you must play by so that any man will see you as the type of lady to be kept (wife material).

We shall talk about what you need to control and master to avoid being played by players and prove you are worth being kept by a keeper.

The following are some mistakes ladies make which give them away cheaply and make them fall victim to players and make keepers think twice about keeping them.

 
1. Giving sex before establishing a serious relationship: You should know that no guy will put in the extra effort or go the extra mile to prove his love for you if what he is looking for is already given to him as freebies.

Never make a mistake of putting yourself in a situation where you are forced to ask “what are we?” after going down with each other. The question “what are we?” must first be settled before anything intimate.

 
2. Going with the flow: Never go with the flow if you don’t want to end up wasting your time. Am not saying you should force things. What am saying is be sure of what you have. Don’t guess, be sure.

Is it something serious with future prospect or just something for the moment.

Stop giving a guy a benefit of doubt when all he does is to make you doubt your position in his life while he is the only one enjoying the benefit. Don’t let any guy take undue advantage of you and also waste your precious time by putting you on a “long thing”.

 
3. Being moderate/modest: Don’t dress in a way that make guys conclude you are a hoe. Dress and conduct yourself exactly the way you will want people to perceive and address you.

 
4. Thinking all it takes to keep a man is good love making skills: That is very important though but you must raise your game above that.

Prove you are someone he can run to for sound advice. Don’t just bring your body to the relationship but also bring your mind. Make sure you are not bringing a dull mind though.

 
5. Expecting a man/relationship to be a jackpot to the good life: Relationship is not a source of income.

Men are not your gateway out of poverty except you want to turn yourself to a whore.

The best thing to do is to make you own money. Have plan for your life. Build a career for yourself. Be a lady that want a guy in her life not the one that need a man to survive.

 
6. Keeping more than one relationship at a time: A man that will be faithful and loyal to you for a lifetime will definitely want to be sure you are capable of same feat before taking you more serious and worthy of being kept forever.

Many guys will rather settle down for a lady that is not so beautiful but faithful and loyal over a very beautiful lady that find it difficult to be loyal and faithful for whatsoever reason. Be the faithful and loyal lady that any man will gladly want to make his wife without the fear of unfaithfulness and promiscusity.

 
7. Tolerating just any kind of thing: Guys want a lady that know her onions. Be a lady with dignity and self respect. Always hold your head up high. Carry yourself with confidence. Don’t allow any guy to disrespect you. Have rule and standard.

Set a limit or boundary for people concerning your private life and behaviours you will tolerate and reject. You should that what you tolerate teaches people how to treat you.
Learn the rules and avoid being played around like a novice.

How To Attract Your Dream Partner: 12 Qualities That Will Help You Get Mr/Mrs Right Quickly

stock-photo-beautiful-woman-in-a-green-dress-chasing-butterflies-on-a-mountain-235774735

Few hundred years ago, there was a gardener who lives in a village named Ilaro in Ogun State, Nigeria. He loves the sight of butterflies in the garden of people around him. He admire the beauty and colourfulness butterflies bring to a garden.

So he started cultivating one for himself but to his uttermost surprise he find it difficult to attract a butterfly into his garden.

This gardener was so worried that he didn’t have butterflies in his garden.

He tried to attract butterflies using different methods but all his efforts was futile.

So he finally decided to seek the advice of a wise man. When he got to the wiseman abode he narrated his ordeal as touching his garden. After listening to what the gardener had to say.

The wise man said “don’t chase the butterfly, mend your garden, let the butterfly come. Chasing the butterfly into your garden will cost lots of time and energy. And if the garden lacks what will attract and keep the butterfly in the garden your efforts will not yield a desirable result”.

This, I think, is a great analogy for the right approach to finding Mr/Mrs right for ourselves.

In the light of the analogy, chasing or searching for Mr/ Mrs right when you are not working on yourself to be a Mr/ Mrs right will cost you lot of effort, time and heartbreaks.

This is because we tend to attract people like us in some sort of ways.

This is based on law of attraction.

Instead of focusing too much of your time and energy on the search for Mr/ Mrs right, I believe it is sensible to groom yourself into Mr/ Mrs right that someone somewhere is diligently searching for.

It is important to note that Mr/ Mrs right are also seeking for their own Mr/Mrs right.

Hence, it will be logical to conclude that working on yourself to develop qualities that are admirable and expected of a Mr/ Mrs right will drastically increase your chances of meeting your Mr/ Mrs right sooner than you expected.

We must mend our garden in order to attract the butterfly that will beautify our garden effortlessly. I mean we must work on ourselves so as to be able to attract the right person to our lives.

The person that will help make it more beautiful and better.
So what can you do to increase your chances of meeting the love of your life sooner.

I have taken my time to identify 12 qualities that will help you become more attractive and riveting which will in turn increases your chances of meeting and keeping the special person for life.

I assured you that working on these qualities will be of immerse help to your quest to find the right partner for a lifetime. Let’s begin the journey together :

1. Self Confidence: To be successful in every area of life you need self confidence. Self confidence allows you to give full expression to your uniqueness and personality.

Ladies are attracted to men who have confidence in themselves. Self confidence is attractive.

2. Dress well: It is not a new thing that you will be addressed exactly the way you are dressed. If you dress attractively, people will find you attractive.

Never should you neglect your appearance because it is very important and it determines how people see you. Always dress in a way that you will leave a great impression on the people’s minds about you.

Be moderate though. Be neat, smart and well cultured in the way you dress.

3. Generousity: Everyone loves the cheerful giver. Stinginess is a big turn off. To be generous you don’t have to blow up your budget.

Ladies love generous guys. Generosity makes you appear larger than life.

4. Be Yourself. You are unique and special just the way you are. Everyone has got his/ her own uniqueness, style, personality and strength. Fine yours and give full expression to it.

Don’t try to act like someone else in order to get somebody’s attention. You don’t need it. The best thing is to find someone that will love, accept and appreciate you just the way you are. Be your original self.

5. Get A Life: Make sure you have something going on for yourself. Build a great life that others will find attractive and genuinely want to be a part of.

Find a passion or purpose for your life. Something that will make you grow and learn. Something that will challenge you to keep improving yourself and getting better on a regular basis.

Find something that will make you full of life and enthusiasm. This is a very attractive quality. People will be curious and attracted to you.

6. Maturity: Everyone includes maturity as one of the qualities that is admirable in a partner. You must learn to conduct yourself in a mature manner.

Dress, communicate and relate with others in a mature way.

7. Invest In Yourself: Your greatest asset is your mind. Invest in it through education. Feed your mind with positive stuffs. Your mind influence your thinking and your thinking influence your life.

Develop your mind to be able to hold an intelligent conversation not just gist and gossip.

Try to acquire skills that will add value to your life and get you income. Make yourself an asset not a liability.

8. Treat People Well: Learn to be respectful. Don’t be rude to people. Treat people well no matter who they are.

How you treat people speak volume of who you are. And who you are determines what people tell others about you and the people who you are attracted to. Be good to people so as to attract good people into your life.

9. Don’t Be Shy: You must learn to get out of your shell and meet people.

Be a conversationalist.

Learn how to communicate and interract with people especially strangers. You never can say who will be the special person.

Breaking up your shell and meeting people out there will definitely increase your chances of meeting the love of your life sooner than later. Don’t be shy. You are not born shy.

10. Be Assertive: Always assert yourself. Don’t be intimidated by anyone. Let people know your stand.

Let it be known to people what you will not accept or tolerate. This quality is very attractive both in men and women.

It makes you look strong, bold, confident and on top of your game. It makes it clear that you respect yourself. It will make you attract people that will also respect you and treat you exactly how you wanted.

11. Be Genuinely Interested In Others: Be interested in really wanting to know more about people.

One secret of getting people to be interested in you, is to show them you are interested in them.

Get out of your small self and meet people, you never can tell who will find you amazing and fascinating.

When you show genuine interest in people they will perceive you as an interesting person which is a good thing.

If you are not in a relationship yet go out and meet people but don’t be in a rush to find a romantic partner.

12. Don’t Rush: This is applicable to the ladies. Don’t rush the connection process when you met a new guy.

Trying to rush things will produce a negative result.

Rushing things will make you appear desperate for love and relationship.

Desperation makes you a perfect victim for exploitation and manipulation by some guys.

Take your time but be assertive. Know exactly what you want from the relationship.

If you can’t get what you want there is no need to waste your precious time in the relationship.

The secret of success in any endeavors is to identify the factors necessary for success. After identifying the factors you must successfully separate the ones you have control over and those you can’t control.

What will determine whether you will succeed or not, is your ability to master the factors you have control over.

My point is this, you don’t have control over the butterfly but you do have control over your garden.

You don’t have control over who will be the Mr/Mrs right or the time you will met each other.

However, you have control over making yourself someone’s Mr/ Mrs right. Take control of that.
I hope you find this very helpful and quite informative.

I will love to get feedback from you on this article.

You can follow me on twitter @Seyilovedoctor and Instagram @seyilovedoctor. Thank you.

8 Tips For Finding True Love And Building A Lasting Relationship

stock-photo-two-lovers-couple-look-into-each-others-eyes-in-love-infatuated-460938703 (1)True love is difficult to find these days.

Building a lasting relationship in time when dating has become meaningless can be an herculean task but following the tips below will make your search easier and also equip you with the right knowledge to building a lasting and loving relationship.

1. Don’t look for love. Setting out to look for love is like setting up yourself for alot of heartbreaks.

Oftentimes love find us when we least expected.

So relax your mind. Go out and make friends with the opposite sex and don’t be in a hurry to be in a romantic relationship.

Don’t let people take advantage of your desperation.

2. Take care of yourself. You are the most important person in the world, treat yourself as such.

Look good. Dress well. Invest in your personal growth and development.

Make your life so attractive to the extent that others are riveted and genuinely want to be a part of it.

3. Love yourself enough to decide not to beg for attention or love.

Don’t allow anyone to abuse or manipulate you just because you want to be in a relationship.

Set a high standard for yourself such that you wouldn’t allow any person to treat you badly all in the name of relationship.

Don’t settle for less. Be with only the person that loves and values your person.

4. Stop carrying around the unnecessary baggages from your past relationships.

Let go of what has already gone.

Let go of those hurt and pain you experienced in your past relationship.

Just pick up the lessons and move on completely. Get over your feelings for your ex.

Don’t live in the past. Living in past will hinder you from being fully aware of what is going on around you in the present.

Let go of the past. Live fully in present and have a positive expectation for the future.

5. Work on your mentality. Most time we make wrong generalisation based on a handful bad encounter we had with the opposite sex.

This kind of thinking is absolutely unhealthy and it could probably prevent you from finding true love.

This is because what we think about always and believe have a strange power to influence our reality.

Don’t assume all men cheat because your ex cheated repeatedly on you before the relationship eventually ended.

Don’t ever assume all ladies are overly materialistic just because your ex left you for a richer guy.

Don’t judge everyone as bad based on few bad folks you have been with. There are lots of good people out there.

Believe so and it will become your reality soon.

6. Be open minded. Don’t expect love to come from a certain place or race. Love has no boundary.

Don’t be rigid minded when it comes to physical qualities.

Love has nothing to do with height, age, stature, religion or ethnicity.

Focusing too much on physical qualities may cause you to lose a chance of meeting a true lover.

Physical quality is ephemeral and fleeting.

Rather focus on ethereal and lasting qualities like good heart, good character, smart brain among others.

Don’t get me wrong am not saying attractive physical quality is not good.

What am saying is don’t over-focus on it to the extent of missing a great person that will love and care for you exactly the way you wanted just because he/she doesn’t met your physical quality benchmark.

7. When you meet someone who is interested in you.

Be calm and take things slow.

Make sure you are not rushing things.

Take time to know the person. So as not to fall in love with the wrong person.

Many single ladies have fall victim of this. They meet a guy and fail to find out enough information about the person but just fall in love with the man only to discovered that he is a married man with kids.

It is better to be left because you are too inquisitive than to be used and dumped because you failed to do your homework on knowing more about the person you just meet before getting too involved.

8. Don’t spoil it when you find it. Most time when we eventually find that special person that truly loves and cares about us, over time we forget all the pain, heartache and heartbreak we had encountered before finding true love.

Sooner or later we started taking things for granted. And start doing exactly the things that destroyed our past relationships.

My point is be careful not to use the bad habits you learned from your past relationships to destroy the new one.

Try to unlearn whatever bad habits you must have picked up from your past failed relationships.

learn to keep the fire of the love in your new relationship aflame. Love and respect your lover and never take them for granted.
I hope this is helpful to all my readers across the globe. I appreciate you all.

This is written in response to the request of one of my followers. If you have learned one or two tips from this blog please tell your friends about this blog.

Thank you for your time.