Tag: Relationship problems

Relationship Nuggets 001

Relationship is not about finding someone that will provide solution to all your problems. Having such mentality will make you become a liability in your relationship. Rather focus on finding a partner that wouldn’t become another problem in your life. A/An cheating/aggressive/abusive/irresponsible partner will create more problems for you than the happiness they will bring you. Don’t ever settle for an abusive/unhealthy relationship with the hope that things will change for good soon while you keep putting up with the physical/emotional abuse, emotional pain and torture or domestic violence. Hope alone wouldn’t change an abusive partner/relationship for good. Many have gone to their early grave because of this foolish hope. Be wise, it is better to be alone than to endure an abusive relationship. Loneliness wouldn’t kill but abusive relationship has made many leave this world unceremoniously.

 
Everyone comes into a relationship with their baggages. A good relationship is the one where both partners help each other to unpack those baggages. Almost everyone has been hurt, cheated, betrayed, disappointed, lied to in their past relationships and all these have a way of shaping our beliefs about relationships and how we will behave towards our partner in the next relationship. Find someone that will help you unpack your baggages. Fine someone that will help you unlearn bad habit and drop negative belief you picked in your past relationships. Find someone that will assist you to become better person. Their are lots of healthy, loving, lasting and supportive relationships if you are yet to be in one keep searching don’t settle for less.

 
Trust is very important in a relationship. Most issues causing fight, misunderstanding, argument and quarrels can be trace back to trust issues. If you want a healthy, loving and lasting relationship ensure you build a solid foundation of trust between you and your partner. Try as much as possible to be honest, truthful and open about everything and anything that can hurt your partner’s feelings if they found out by themselves. Learn to prevent yourself from lying to someone you want to trust you because you will find it difficult yourself to trust someone who is fond of lying to you.

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2 Important Questions Most Ladies Usually Ask At The Wrong Time

Questions are so important in life because they help us find out answers to stuff that troubles our mind.

Asking questions from others help us to decipher their intentions toward us especially in a romantic relationship.

It is always important to ask questions and get clarifying answers instead of assuming things.

Most people usually assume their position in other people’s lives when it comes to relationship.

Have had stories of ladies and guys who assumed their position in other people’s lives only to find out later that the other person never see them as they have thought they mean to them.

If he didn’t ask you out, don’t assume you have a relationship just because he calls you often and cares about you or uses sweet words for you.

If she didn’t say yes, you don’t have a relationship.

Don’t assume you do because she visits or check up on you. What is not clearly defined usually results to waste of time and effort.

Assumption in relationships usually results to complication.

It pays to ask questions in order to clearly know your stand in a relationship.

Don’t think he wants you, let him spell it out by asking you out and making it official or you do the asking out yourself. Don’t think she wants you, let her spell it out by saying yes to your advances in words and actions.

Asking questions about where you stand in a relationship and where the relationship is heading to is one sure way to avoid heartbreak and waste of your precious time and effort.

So never go with the flow or string along just because you are tired of being single or carried away by the sweetness of person towards you.

Ask questions to be sure you are on the same page except you are not after something serious. Be sure he/she feels the same way about you.

Don’t waste your precious time in an imaginary happily ever after that doesn’t have a beginning.

This article is actually written to address two important questions most ladies usually ask at the wrong time from guys they love and want to have something with for a long period of time.

The wrong timing will not let you get the right answer(truth) and will make you vulnerable to guys that just want to use and dump you.

 
1. What are we: This is a very important question which most ladies ask at the wrong time.

The answer to this question will determine the foundation and direction of your relationship with a guy.

This question must have a concrete answer before you decide to get deeply involved with any guy.

Your relationship should be clearly defined.

It should never be assumed. Never assume you have a relationship with a guy just because he checks on you often or he is always sweet towards you.

Don’t be deceived by constant calls, freebies and sweetness. Guys will do whatever they need to do in order to go down with a lady without having anything clearly defined with her.

That’s why we have Friends with benefits.

Don’t be a victim except that is what you are looking for.

The right time to ask this question is before getting emotional attached and intimate with a guy.

Never make a mistake of going down with a guy before knowing your place in his life.

Asking a guy what are we after sex will make you appear as a joke and slut/cheap girl.

A guy that wants to take you serious might even have a second thought because he might assume that’s how you do with lots of guys even if you don’t.

 
2. Will you marry me: This is another important question ladies often ask at a wrong time. Most ladies ask this question before giving their body to a guy.

This question is often asked to know if the new guy wouldn’t run away after getting what he wants like the other guys have done in time pass.

Ladies I want you to think like a guy for a second.

If you are a guy and all you are after is sex and nothing more.

After trying everything to get her to bed but failed then you discovered that all it takes to eat the honey pot is to make a marriage promise.

Wouldn’t you make it and achieve your set goals.

Am sure if you haven’t fall victim to this, you must have heard about ladies that have been deceived by men with marriage promises just to get what they want.

If you want to know if a guy will marry you or not pay rapt attention to his words(both spoken and unspoken) and actions towards you on a regular basis.

When man has truly decide want to spend the rest of his life with you, you will know by the way he relates, cares and corrects you.

He will let you know about his dreams, aspiration and future plans. And you will definitely feature in those plans.

If a man truly loves you and foresee a future with you, he is going to factor you in into everything he does and it will be obvious to you and everyone around.

I hear ladies say you can’t know if a man truly loves you but I beg to differ.

Most ladies see the warning signs but as human beings we get easily carried away by emotion and chose to close our eyes to glaring back off signs.

In other words, we see what we want to see and ignore the reality.

If you pay rapt attention to your man actions and words towards you, you can easily tell his intentions towards you no matter how much of a liar and pretender he is.

The bottomline is this :

Define your relationship with a man before getting too intimate with him and be sure of what you want in a relationship before deciding to enter into one.

Finally, before you decide to invest your heart, body, soul and spirit into a relationship be sure it is something with a future so you don’t have reason to regret later in life about wasted time and effort or become a hater of all men because of what few men did to you.

 

For advice on any relationship issue, you can reach me through oluwaseyiadeoshun@gmail.com or DM me on twitter and instagram @seyilovedoctor

The Right Mindset Towards Misunderstanding In A Relationship

Misunderstanding is a normal occurence between partners due to differences in personality, temperament, upbringing, exposure and many other factors.

Misunderstanding come and go, and it should never affect your loyalty to your partner.

Having a misunderstanding with your partner is not a genuine excuse to start giving undue attention to other men or women.

If you value your relationship, whenever there is a misunderstanding your thinking should be focus on resolving the issue and at the same time availing it to understand your partner better.

Let your loyalty to your partner be rigid not flexible.

Be loyal to your partner till the relationship is over.

Loyalty brings untold respect and admiration. It is immaturity to flirt with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner.

Stop trying to make your partner feel jealous by flirting with the opposite sex especially when there is a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you do that you are actually taking undue advantage of your partner’s emotion just because you know he/she loves you dearly.

If care is not taken that might destroy the relationship.

Whenever there is an issue in your relationship you must learn to face it heads on.

This is the only way to find a lasting solution to any problem that may arise in your relationship.

Doing otherwise is usually counter-productive.

Ignoring a problem don’t make it go away, it only make it get worse/bigger.

It is also immaturity to keep malice with your partner no matter the situation.

Don’t keep whatever is hurting you in your relationship to yourself. Speak out.

Don’t be bullied or threaten or blackmail to silence/submission in your relationship.

If you and your partner can’t learn to manage your issues and misunderstanding peacefully and live with each other happily in spite of them, then it is pointless to continue to remain in such a relationship.
When there is an issue in your relationship, find a way to resolve it amicably and continue loving each other.

If the problem is beyond remedy, it is better to go your separate way than to continue to remain together but embitter towards each other. This is because bitterness can make people do unreasonable things to the person they claimed to love.

Naturally love forgives and forgets wrongdoing.

However, if the offence is too much for your heart to forgive and mind to forget it is better to walk out of the relationship.

It is unlawful and immaturity to think of hurting or harming your partner irrespective of what they did wrong.

I have heard too many stories of man/woman murdering their partner.

The question i keep asking myself is “for what reason?”.

Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where you might end up spending the rest of your life in jail over something that is totally preventable.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not making you happier and adding value to your life then it is not worth losing your sleep and peace of mind over.

If it is not working, it is okay to let it go.

Though it is advisable to give it your best shots before calling it quit.

It is important to know when to keep trying and when to walk away in a relationship.

Adopt the right mindset towards misunderstanding in a relationship.

Don’t ignore any issue bothering your mind.

If you don’t tackle it, it wouldn’t go away by itself. It will continue to hunt and hurt you until you face it and say enough is enough.

Learn to forgive your partner wholeheartedly.

Don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongdoing.

Don’t keep malice with your partner.

Don’t go to bed with anger and bitterness in your heart against your partner.

When you feel offended let your partner know by talking about it, don’t assume he/she should know.

Don’t give up on your relationship over little quarrel or misunderstanding.
Finally, if it is not working, you are free to walk out of it. Remember, it is a free world.

Never get violent against your partner.

You can never predict what a single violent act can result to in an agitated situation.

A single violent act can put you behind bars for the rest of your life.

It is always better to walk away.

Lets say NO to domestic violence in marriages.

Say NO to unhealthy or toxic relationship as a single.

Faithfulness Is Romantic, Sweet And Safe

Faithfulness to one partner is not boring contrary to popular opinion among cheats or unfaithful partners.

A scholar once said we are pluralistic in nature, hence the reason most people find it difficult to remain faithful to one partner.

This might not be completely true but to a certain degree it is the truth for some people because they have never been completely faithful to a single partner since they have venture into the world of relationship.

I will be honest with you, we are humans, imperfect being. We goof often.

We are constantly striving to maintain a balance between two forces (Good and bad forces) pulling us towards theirselves.

Hence, the numerous temptation we face as human.

However, facing numerous temptation is not a justification to do what is not right.

It is important to stress that as a human we are also equiped with the capacity and strong-will to chose to do the right thing inspite of mounting temptation.

A matured person understands that to every action there is equal and opposite reaction.

In other words, every single action carries a consequence.

A matured person often consider the consequence of his/her action before making decision to either take it or not.

Relationship and marriages are meant for matured people.

My advice for any person who is searching for a partner for serious relationship or marriage is that you should make maturity as your number one criterion.

It is important state that age is not synonymous with maturity.

A matured person understands that once you are in a relationship your action will affect your partner either positively or negatively.

This knowledge should influence our decision in relationship.

Relationship has to do with put your partner’s feeling into consideration before doing anything that will directly or indirectly affect him/her.

A matured man will stay faithful to a single woman.

A real man understands that his manliness is not measure by the number of women he keeps as his sexual partners.

A matured woman will also stay faithful to one man.

A real woman doesn’t share her body with numerous men.

Her sense of importance, attractiveness and class are not dependent on the number of men she keeps or sleep with.

Relationship is sweet when there is love.

Love is sweet and waxes stronger day by day when there is trust.

Guess what, honesty and faithfulness beget and retain trust. If you want to enjoy your life and relationship find someone you love and be faithful to him/her.

Then begin to build a great life and relationship together as a team.

Faithfulness is number one quality most people desire in a partner.

Don’t demand what you can’t give. If you want a faithful partner, you must be determine to be one yourself.

Faithfulness is never boring.

Faithfulness is sweet, romantic and possible though it require self control and discipline.

Faithfulness helps protect you from contacting sexually transmitted diseases.

Lastly, sex get better and sweeter with the same partner with time not boring.

So let go of the myth that claim you will get bored, tired or satiated when you keep having sex with the same person for a long period.

It’s a lie.

Faithfulness to one partner in a relationship and marriage is not boring and impossible.

It is possible with determination and self control.

It is sweet and romantic in the sense that it helps you to concentrate your attention and affection on your partner alone which will help you know each other better and be able to build stronger bond necessary to keep aflame the fire of love and romance in the relationship.

It also enhance peace of mind.

Staying faithful to your partner is one of the best decision you will ever make in life. Thank you

What You Allow: Will Continue

There is no perfect relationship anywhere.

So don’t expect to have a perfect relationship but healthy and loving relationship is a realistic and attainable goal.

Every relationship has its own challenges but there are some issues that are not part of the challenges expected of a healthy relationship. Once they start showing up in your relationship then you should know that there is a fire on the mountain. Some of these issues include habitual cheating, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation among others.

However, lot of people faces these issues and have gotten accustom to it to the extent of seeing it as a normal part of a relationship which is totally unhealthy.

Virtually, all relationship start on a sweet, loving and romantic note until one of the partners start showing their true colour -character.

If all relationships continues the way they begin, most relationships will never come to an end.
People usually start showing their true colour in relationships when they notice that their partner has become emotionally attached to them or after they have gotten what they want.

It is important to pay attention when your people start acting “who they truly are”. Don’t ever make a mistake of re-painting people when they show you their true colour by making excuses for them because of your emotional attachment to them.

It is better to end a relationship when your partner start showing his or her true colour before you get deeply involved in the quagmire over the time and you wind up in a complicated relationship.

Some people believe that what will be, will be but i don’t think it is wise to totally depend on such philosophy when it comes to relationship.

My belief is you meet your partner by fate and you fell in love by chance but your relationship will only work out by choice- the decisions you and your partner make with respect to your relationship. This is due to the fact that relationship requires effort if it will stand the test of time and be a healthy one.
However, it takes two to tangle. Only you cannot make your relationship healthy, loving and lasting. You and your partner must be actively involved in building your relationship to be healthy, loving and lasting.

In the course of building your relationship a lot of things will happen both the good and the bad. For the good stuff, you must encourage, appreciate and reciprocate if you want it to continue. For the bad stuff, you must address if you want it to stop.
Many people don’t want to be perceived as a nag hence they chose to keep quiet when they notice something is not right in their relationship.

The problem is ignoring a bad situation doesn’t make it disappear as many may have wanted.

It usually make situation worse.

The only way to arrest a bad situation is to address it immediately it rises.

Some people ignore problem because of the fear of what the outcome will be if they address it.

There are two possibilities when you decide to address an issue bothering you in your relationship as a result of your partner’s behaviour. The first is, the situation maybe remedy and your relationship will get better. The second is, the situation may get worse and the relationship will come to an end. Both outcome are very important. The first one indicate that your partner truly love and value you and the relationship while the second indicate otherwise.

Atimes you must be willing to let go before you can make some people want to change for good and stop taking you for granted.

Don’t be afraid of losing a partner that is causing you to continually lose your happiness and peace of mind.

Don’t allow your fear for loneliness make you remain in a relationship that continuously bring you sadness and sorrow.

Don’t allow an abusive relationship make you lose your sanity or send you to an early grave.
Whenever you notice something is not right in your relationship or you caught your partner doing what is not right, it is important to address the situation before it get out of hand.

Beyonce and Cardi B once caught their partner Jay Z and Offset respectively cheating. They address the issue instead of pretending it doesn’t happen. They both made it clear to their partner that they would not tolerate a cheating partner. Beyonce warning for Jay Z gave rise to her song “Lemonade”. Cardi B likewise sang ” Be Careful” to warn her unfaithful fiance, Offset of Migos.
The bottomline is this:

What you continue to keep quiet about and endure will continue to happen in your relationship.

If you are not happy with the situation in your relationship be courageous enough to speak to your partner about it, don’t die in silence.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not working and making you happier than you can be on your own let your partner know what he or she is not doing right. Demand a change, if they refuse to change for better it is okay if you work out of the relationship.

Don’t allow any relationship make you feel you deserve to be treated as a second fiddle.

Don’t allow anyone make you feel you deserve to be physically, mentally, sexually or emotionally abuse.

Don’t lose your dignity and self-worth while trying to hold on to a relationship with someone who doesn’t even care about your feelings or happiness.

If you don’t want it to continue, demand a change or walk away. If you tolerate it, it will continue.