Tag: Relationship advice

Relationship Nuggets 008

A mature person understand fully well that physical attraction is not a strong foundation upon which the bricks of a serious relationship can be laid hence it shouldn’t be the main reason to start a relationship. If you desire a loving, healthy and long term relationship you must discipline yourself to look beyond the obvious. Focus more on more important and lasting qualities like character, behaviour, mindset, ambition, goals among others rather than transient thing like physical features- attractive face, sexy body and so on. Physical attraction is definitely important but it will not determine how he/she will treat you in the relationship but their character will.

 
Every conflict in a relationship present an opportunity to reveal the true identity/nature of your partner. Anger atimes gives people the boldness to say what they have been hiding in the deepest part of their soul.

 
Never should you lose your voice in a relationship. A relationship where you can’t give voice to your emotions, fear, concerns and discomfort is not healthy. A relationship should be where you express yourself without the fear of being judged. Encourage your partner to express himself/herself and do the same. It is therapeutic.

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Relationship Nuggets 006

Most of the time it’s not the person you miss, it’s the feelings and moments you had when you were with them. Don’t let a sweet moment and wonderful feelings you had in time pass tie you down to a person or relationship that has turned unhealthy, toxic or abusive when the person gets comfortable enough with you to start showing their true color.

 

 

Never change who you are(in a bad way) for someone’s approval/acceptance. Anyone that truly love you will accept and appreciate who you are and will never force you to do what you don’t want to do or what can have a negative repercussions on your future. Be proud of who you are in a positive way and only choose to be with people who see value in you and appreciate you for who you are.

 

 

You can’t have a perfect relationship because you are not perfect and nobody is. However, you can have a great relationship(a healthy and loving relationship). A great relationship begins when partners learn to appreciate their similarities(what they have in common) and respect their differences(what makes them unique as individuals).

 

Merry Christmas……

Relationship Nuggets 003

Relationship is not a do or die affair. It is something to be enjoy not endure. Truth be told, relationship is not expected to be a bed of roses all of the time but it shouldn’t be a bed of thorns most/all of the time you are with your partner. The only relationship worthy of your time and effort is a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship your efforts is appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t be in a relationship where you are the only one doing the loving, checking up and apologizing when things go wrong. Such relationship is not good for your mental and emotional well-being. You deserve a relationship where you are loved, cherish, appreciated, pampered and celebrated. So don’t settle for a relationship where you are treated badly or like you are a scumbag.

 
Do you know what you want in a relationship? Before starting a new relationship, the first and most important thing to do is to know exactly what you want in a relationship. Knowing what you want will prevent you from ending up with what you don’t want. After having a concrete knowledge of what you want in a relationship, you must be determined to fight the temptation to settle for less. People who settled for less usually regret it later and end up telling people that care to listen that they would have marry another person if not for one reason or another. It’s important to note that knowing what you want in a relationship has nothing to do with setting unrealistic standards. It involves knowing the qualities you want in a mate and how you want to be treated in a relationship.

 
You don’t need a perfect person in order to have a healthy and loving relationship. All you need is a person that is willing to put in effort needed to make you feel loved and happy. A person that wouldn’t take you for granted or become a source of pain and hurt to you after you have show how much you love him/her. A person that will value, respect, cherish and appreciate you. A person that will know your weakness, past mistakes, imperfection and flaws yet still finds you amazing and beautiful. A person that won’t get tired of you no matter how long you have been together. A person that will be faithful, committed and loyal to you. When you find such a person never take such for granted because relationship can only be healthy, loving and lasting if both partners are willing and committed to make it so.

Relationship Nuggets 002

When it comes to making decision concerning your relationship, always follow your heart. Pay attention to what your mind/inner voice is telling you. Don’t ignore the red flag just because you have become emotionally attached to the person in question.. And never ignore the green flag just because things don’t look rosy yet for the prospective partner or because of fear of what people will say based on your choice of partner. Be the master of your relationship fate. Don’t let people rush/pressurize you into a relationship or marriage with the wrong person. Don’t let people decide for you. When(the time) to marry or be in a relationship is totally up to you. Who(the person) you should get marry to or be in a relationship with is also totally up to you. Be open to advise but be sure you are the one making the final decision because it is you that will be in the relationship/marriage. Your happiness and peace of mind should be the one factor to determine if a relationship is worth your effort and time or not.

 

Atimes the best decision to make is to choose to let go. Don’t let the fear of the unknown and loneliness make you hold on tight to someone/relationship that is affecting your physical, mental and emotional well-being negatively. It is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship where you are made to feel lonely. A relationship is supposed to shield you from physical and emotional hurt/pain not to be the one causing it. Any relationship that is constantly taking away your peace of mind, happiness and sound sleep should be too expensive for you to maintain. Let go of who/what is hurting you. It won’t be easy from the beginning but it will get better with time and it will worth it in the long run.

 

A cheat will always be a cheat no matter what you do or didn’t do. A partner that want to cheat will always find a reason to cheat and an excuse to justify himself/herself. So Don’t be so hard on yourself when you find out your partner is cheating on you. It is not your fault. It doesn’t mean you are not good enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough. When your partner cheat on you it doesn’t show you have a problem but only indicates they have a problem with being faithful and loyal to a single partner. When you discovered that your partner is cheating but you still want to continue with the relationship then it’s better to focus on the real problem which is your cheating partner, don’t waste time fighting with who they cheated on you with. The only way to prevent your partner from cheating on you is to vividly put it across to him/her that you will not put up with being cheated on in a relationship. Let it be clear to your partner that if they step of the union to get sexual satisfaction there won’t be any union to come back to. Someone that truly loves you and want you to be part of his/her life will be willing to put in the effort to stay faithful and loyal to you because he/she won’t want to lose you when you make it clear that it’s either faithfulness or nothing at all. If he/she doesn’t stop sleeping around you should know that you don’t mean much to that person.

2 Important Questions Most Ladies Usually Ask At The Wrong Time

Questions are so important in life because they help us find out answers to stuff that troubles our mind.

Asking questions from others help us to decipher their intentions toward us especially in a romantic relationship.

It is always important to ask questions and get clarifying answers instead of assuming things.

Most people usually assume their position in other people’s lives when it comes to relationship.

Have had stories of ladies and guys who assumed their position in other people’s lives only to find out later that the other person never see them as they have thought they mean to them.

If he didn’t ask you out, don’t assume you have a relationship just because he calls you often and cares about you or uses sweet words for you.

If she didn’t say yes, you don’t have a relationship.

Don’t assume you do because she visits or check up on you. What is not clearly defined usually results to waste of time and effort.

Assumption in relationships usually results to complication.

It pays to ask questions in order to clearly know your stand in a relationship.

Don’t think he wants you, let him spell it out by asking you out and making it official or you do the asking out yourself. Don’t think she wants you, let her spell it out by saying yes to your advances in words and actions.

Asking questions about where you stand in a relationship and where the relationship is heading to is one sure way to avoid heartbreak and waste of your precious time and effort.

So never go with the flow or string along just because you are tired of being single or carried away by the sweetness of person towards you.

Ask questions to be sure you are on the same page except you are not after something serious. Be sure he/she feels the same way about you.

Don’t waste your precious time in an imaginary happily ever after that doesn’t have a beginning.

This article is actually written to address two important questions most ladies usually ask at the wrong time from guys they love and want to have something with for a long period of time.

The wrong timing will not let you get the right answer(truth) and will make you vulnerable to guys that just want to use and dump you.

 
1. What are we: This is a very important question which most ladies ask at the wrong time.

The answer to this question will determine the foundation and direction of your relationship with a guy.

This question must have a concrete answer before you decide to get deeply involved with any guy.

Your relationship should be clearly defined.

It should never be assumed. Never assume you have a relationship with a guy just because he checks on you often or he is always sweet towards you.

Don’t be deceived by constant calls, freebies and sweetness. Guys will do whatever they need to do in order to go down with a lady without having anything clearly defined with her.

That’s why we have Friends with benefits.

Don’t be a victim except that is what you are looking for.

The right time to ask this question is before getting emotional attached and intimate with a guy.

Never make a mistake of going down with a guy before knowing your place in his life.

Asking a guy what are we after sex will make you appear as a joke and slut/cheap girl.

A guy that wants to take you serious might even have a second thought because he might assume that’s how you do with lots of guys even if you don’t.

 
2. Will you marry me: This is another important question ladies often ask at a wrong time. Most ladies ask this question before giving their body to a guy.

This question is often asked to know if the new guy wouldn’t run away after getting what he wants like the other guys have done in time pass.

Ladies I want you to think like a guy for a second.

If you are a guy and all you are after is sex and nothing more.

After trying everything to get her to bed but failed then you discovered that all it takes to eat the honey pot is to make a marriage promise.

Wouldn’t you make it and achieve your set goals.

Am sure if you haven’t fall victim to this, you must have heard about ladies that have been deceived by men with marriage promises just to get what they want.

If you want to know if a guy will marry you or not pay rapt attention to his words(both spoken and unspoken) and actions towards you on a regular basis.

When man has truly decide want to spend the rest of his life with you, you will know by the way he relates, cares and corrects you.

He will let you know about his dreams, aspiration and future plans. And you will definitely feature in those plans.

If a man truly loves you and foresee a future with you, he is going to factor you in into everything he does and it will be obvious to you and everyone around.

I hear ladies say you can’t know if a man truly loves you but I beg to differ.

Most ladies see the warning signs but as human beings we get easily carried away by emotion and chose to close our eyes to glaring back off signs.

In other words, we see what we want to see and ignore the reality.

If you pay rapt attention to your man actions and words towards you, you can easily tell his intentions towards you no matter how much of a liar and pretender he is.

The bottomline is this :

Define your relationship with a man before getting too intimate with him and be sure of what you want in a relationship before deciding to enter into one.

Finally, before you decide to invest your heart, body, soul and spirit into a relationship be sure it is something with a future so you don’t have reason to regret later in life about wasted time and effort or become a hater of all men because of what few men did to you.

 

For advice on any relationship issue, you can reach me through oluwaseyiadeoshun@gmail.com or DM me on twitter and instagram @seyilovedoctor

The Right Mindset Towards Misunderstanding In A Relationship

Misunderstanding is a normal occurence between partners due to differences in personality, temperament, upbringing, exposure and many other factors.

Misunderstanding come and go, and it should never affect your loyalty to your partner.

Having a misunderstanding with your partner is not a genuine excuse to start giving undue attention to other men or women.

If you value your relationship, whenever there is a misunderstanding your thinking should be focus on resolving the issue and at the same time availing it to understand your partner better.

Let your loyalty to your partner be rigid not flexible.

Be loyal to your partner till the relationship is over.

Loyalty brings untold respect and admiration. It is immaturity to flirt with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner.

Stop trying to make your partner feel jealous by flirting with the opposite sex especially when there is a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you do that you are actually taking undue advantage of your partner’s emotion just because you know he/she loves you dearly.

If care is not taken that might destroy the relationship.

Whenever there is an issue in your relationship you must learn to face it heads on.

This is the only way to find a lasting solution to any problem that may arise in your relationship.

Doing otherwise is usually counter-productive.

Ignoring a problem don’t make it go away, it only make it get worse/bigger.

It is also immaturity to keep malice with your partner no matter the situation.

Don’t keep whatever is hurting you in your relationship to yourself. Speak out.

Don’t be bullied or threaten or blackmail to silence/submission in your relationship.

If you and your partner can’t learn to manage your issues and misunderstanding peacefully and live with each other happily in spite of them, then it is pointless to continue to remain in such a relationship.
When there is an issue in your relationship, find a way to resolve it amicably and continue loving each other.

If the problem is beyond remedy, it is better to go your separate way than to continue to remain together but embitter towards each other. This is because bitterness can make people do unreasonable things to the person they claimed to love.

Naturally love forgives and forgets wrongdoing.

However, if the offence is too much for your heart to forgive and mind to forget it is better to walk out of the relationship.

It is unlawful and immaturity to think of hurting or harming your partner irrespective of what they did wrong.

I have heard too many stories of man/woman murdering their partner.

The question i keep asking myself is “for what reason?”.

Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where you might end up spending the rest of your life in jail over something that is totally preventable.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not making you happier and adding value to your life then it is not worth losing your sleep and peace of mind over.

If it is not working, it is okay to let it go.

Though it is advisable to give it your best shots before calling it quit.

It is important to know when to keep trying and when to walk away in a relationship.

Adopt the right mindset towards misunderstanding in a relationship.

Don’t ignore any issue bothering your mind.

If you don’t tackle it, it wouldn’t go away by itself. It will continue to hunt and hurt you until you face it and say enough is enough.

Learn to forgive your partner wholeheartedly.

Don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongdoing.

Don’t keep malice with your partner.

Don’t go to bed with anger and bitterness in your heart against your partner.

When you feel offended let your partner know by talking about it, don’t assume he/she should know.

Don’t give up on your relationship over little quarrel or misunderstanding.
Finally, if it is not working, you are free to walk out of it. Remember, it is a free world.

Never get violent against your partner.

You can never predict what a single violent act can result to in an agitated situation.

A single violent act can put you behind bars for the rest of your life.

It is always better to walk away.

Lets say NO to domestic violence in marriages.

Say NO to unhealthy or toxic relationship as a single.

What Do You Want In A Relationship?

confusedThe aim of most serious relationship is to end in marriage.

Almost everyone desire to enjoy a happy married life.

However, desire, hope, wishes or prayers alone does not guarantee a happy married life.

A happy married life is an ultimate accomplishment when it comes to relationship for most people.

Success in any sphere of life requires extra effort and same can be said for relationships.

A happy married life must be work towards from the word go.

It takes knowing what you really want and not settling for less.

It also takes time, unconditional love, commitment, faithfulness, forgiveness, sacrifice, self displine, determination, emotional maturity among others.

These requirements must be streaming from both partners before a relationship can be able to stand the test of time and still remain healthy and loving.
Relationship and marriages fail most times because people don’t know exactly what they want.

If you want to be truly happy in your relationship you must clearly define exactly what you want in a relationship.

Talking about what you want in a relationship, am not referring to the superficial qualities like physical attractiveness, educational, social and financial status.

It is quite sad that most people over focus on them while ignoring things that are more important when it comes to chosing a partner.

Hold on for a second before you get me wrong.

I am not saying physical attraction, financial capability, social and academic status are not important.

They are definitely important.

It is cool to be with someone you can flaunt because of their good look.

Money makes love sweeter. Infact finance is the fuel for romance. Social and educational status makes it easy to connect on an intellectual level in a relationship.
Many relationships and marriages still failed inspite of having all these qualities present in their spouses.

Why so?

There are many people in relationship or marriage with a very good looking partner who is financially okay and also share similar academic and social status yet they are not happy together.

So what is the missing link in their relationship?

It is important to know the really important things when it comes to relationship.

The important thing to do before venturing into a love affair is to first sit down and highlight what you really want in a relationship.

You should define the kind of person you want.

You should clearly state out the qualities you desire in a mate.

For instance, you can say you want a person that is confident, caring, non-violent, understanding, friendly, open minded, respectful, law abiding among others.

You must also clearly define how you will be treated and what you will not endure or tolerate in a relationship.

Without a concrete resolution on what you want in a relationship you will continue to settle for just any person that comes your way which will make it pretty difficult to enjoy a loving and healthy relationship needless to mention a happy married life.
Relationship is beyond just having a good looking, educated or financially buoyant partner.

You also need someone that will treat well.

You need someone that will show you unconditional love.

You need someone that will let you know you mean the world to him/her.

You need someone that will make you feel special and on top of the world.

You need someone that is afraid to lose you.

You need someone that will dry away your tears and make deliberate effort to make you happy on a consistent basis without a reason.

You need someone that will accept, value and respect you for who you are.

You need someone that is committed to helping you to be your best possible in every sphere of life.

You need someone you don’t have to beg or compete for his/her attention and affection.

You need someone who is proud to have you and wouldn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends and family.

My aim of writing this article is to help you enjoy your relationship by knowing exacting what you want as an individual when it comes to your relationship goals.

So what do you want in a relationship?

Do you know what your heart, soul and body want in terms of relationship?