Tag: Misunderstanding

Don’t Marry A Man/Woman With These Behaviour: 4 Red Flag Signs You Must Not Overlook In A Relationship.

Relationship and marriage failure don’t just happen overnight. Relationships and marriages don’t turn violent, abusive and unhealthy all of a sudden. There are signs at the beginning that we often ignore because we chose to be blinded by our emotion or we are hopeful that things will just get better without addressing them. At the initial stage of the relationship people usually try as much as possible to be sweet and hide their true character. However, character they say is like a smoke which cannot be hidden forever- it always reveal itself.

One important thing to do at the beginning of a relationship is to pay close attention to the character/behaviour of your partner before you get too deeply attached to him/her emotionally.

You must never let your emotion get the best of you in the face of potential danger.

Don’t let your emotion do the thinking for you.

Don’t get too desperate to be in a relationship just because you are tired of being single.

Most abusive relationship could have been totally avoided at the beginning before getting deeply involved if only the persons involved had pay attention to red flag signs you must not ignore in a relationship before it get too serious.

Here are the red flag signs you must watch out for if you dont want to end up in a violent or abusive relationship/marriage:

1. Aggressiveness: I saw a video on twitter about a lady who was beaten black and blue by her ex just because she left him. In the video, she said she didn’t believe she could survived the violent attack. I must say she is lucky because most victims of aggressive and violent partners don’t live to tell their bitter story.

We can tell if someone is overly aggressive in a relationship but oftentimes we make excuses for their aggressive actions towards us because we have become emotionally attached to them.

If he hits you at will when you are still dating just imagine how often he will use you as a punchbag over little misunderstanding when you are both married.

Some ladies make a mistake of perceiving aggression as manliness.

If you think he will use his aggression to protect you, think twice because you will surely become a victim of it one day.

Aggressiveness is not only a male gender thing, it applies to the female too.

There are women physically abusing their husband or even ending their hubby life.

If she throws object at you or uses dangerous objects to threaten you during a misunderstanding, you should know that you are not safe in such a relationship.

Aggressiveness is a red flag sign that most people usually overlook when they allow their emotion to overrule their judgement.

The sad news is most people that make this grievous mistake don’t live to tell their story while few that survived abusive relationship with an aggressive partner carries with them a fearsome memory and an indellible scar they will not forget for the rest of their lives.

So be careful before you decide to ignore this red flag sign.

2. Irresponsible behaviour: Most people focus too much on physical looks and financial status before considering a prospective partner. That in itself is not a bad idea if only the important things are not trivialize or ignored completely.

The important thing to look out for when it comes to chosing a partner is the person’s behaviour/character.

This is because it is the behaviour of the person that will determine how they will treat you or conduct theirself in the relationship.

If you are planning to get married to someone, it is important for you to be sure he/she doesn’t have a behaviour that will frustrate and jeopardize the success of nuptial conjugation in the nearest future.

We have heard lot of stories of irresponsible partners leading to high rise in divorce rate in our generation. Some are stories of married men neglecting their marital responsibility while chasing single ladies in town. Or men neglecting their pregnant wife. Women are not left out. Stories of married women leaving their children and husband for a richer guy is also all over the place.

You must be sure if he/she is a responsible person. That’s someone that wouldn’t neglect his/her marital responsibily and daring the consequences.

3. Promiscuity: Staying faithful and loyal is a personal choice which require self control. Faithfulness and loyalty are very important for the success of any relationship/marriage.

However, some people are not willing to deny their body of any sexual pleasure.

They lack the self control/discipline require to stay faithful to one sexual partner. They allow their sexual urges dictate their action at the expenses of their relationship.

People like these often says everyone cheat.

You must stay away from people like these if you know you can’t handle seeing your partner sleeping around when you are married.

If he/she does it during dating/courtship period, chances are high he/she will continue to do it when you eventually get married.

Some people see promiscuity as a normal way of life.

They believe everyone cheats and it is impossible to stay faithful to one sexual partner for a long time.

These are lies promiscuous person or cheater use to justify their abnormal behaviour.

Cheating is not normal in a relationship. Cheating is not a mistake but a choice.

It indicates lack of self control over sexual urges.

It shows that the person don’t really care about hurting their partner’s feelings.

Men and women cheat.

Not all men cheat and same can be said for women.

Don’t make a mistake of settling for a promiscuous partner just because people are saying everyone cheat.

Not everyone cheat. There are still people(men and women) who don’t cheat.

4. Manipulative behaviour: This is the last red flag sign you should watch out for in a relationship before you consider take it to another level -marriage.

Some people are expert at manipulating people.

They don’t enter into a relationship because they are in love, they only enter when they have find someone they can manipulate and take undue advantage of financially or in other area base on their need.

What they do is to use people to further their own selfish cause.

They will blackmail you emotionally or bully/threaten you just to get what they want in the relationship.

Partner like this will want you to do everything for them as if you are oblige to.

If you fail to do what they ask of you, they will throw tantrum at you like kids do.

They will pick up a fight with you or say stuff that will make you feel guilty.

Be careful of emotional manipulators.

Pay attention to the red flag signs discussed so as not to regret your decision later in the future concerning your choice of partner like most married people are regretting.

The Right Mindset Towards Misunderstanding In A Relationship

Misunderstanding is a normal occurence between partners due to differences in personality, temperament, upbringing, exposure and many other factors.

Misunderstanding come and go, and it should never affect your loyalty to your partner.

Having a misunderstanding with your partner is not a genuine excuse to start giving undue attention to other men or women.

If you value your relationship, whenever there is a misunderstanding your thinking should be focus on resolving the issue and at the same time availing it to understand your partner better.

Let your loyalty to your partner be rigid not flexible.

Be loyal to your partner till the relationship is over.

Loyalty brings untold respect and admiration. It is immaturity to flirt with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner.

Stop trying to make your partner feel jealous by flirting with the opposite sex especially when there is a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you do that you are actually taking undue advantage of your partner’s emotion just because you know he/she loves you dearly.

If care is not taken that might destroy the relationship.

Whenever there is an issue in your relationship you must learn to face it heads on.

This is the only way to find a lasting solution to any problem that may arise in your relationship.

Doing otherwise is usually counter-productive.

Ignoring a problem don’t make it go away, it only make it get worse/bigger.

It is also immaturity to keep malice with your partner no matter the situation.

Don’t keep whatever is hurting you in your relationship to yourself. Speak out.

Don’t be bullied or threaten or blackmail to silence/submission in your relationship.

If you and your partner can’t learn to manage your issues and misunderstanding peacefully and live with each other happily in spite of them, then it is pointless to continue to remain in such a relationship.
When there is an issue in your relationship, find a way to resolve it amicably and continue loving each other.

If the problem is beyond remedy, it is better to go your separate way than to continue to remain together but embitter towards each other. This is because bitterness can make people do unreasonable things to the person they claimed to love.

Naturally love forgives and forgets wrongdoing.

However, if the offence is too much for your heart to forgive and mind to forget it is better to walk out of the relationship.

It is unlawful and immaturity to think of hurting or harming your partner irrespective of what they did wrong.

I have heard too many stories of man/woman murdering their partner.

The question i keep asking myself is “for what reason?”.

Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where you might end up spending the rest of your life in jail over something that is totally preventable.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not making you happier and adding value to your life then it is not worth losing your sleep and peace of mind over.

If it is not working, it is okay to let it go.

Though it is advisable to give it your best shots before calling it quit.

It is important to know when to keep trying and when to walk away in a relationship.

Adopt the right mindset towards misunderstanding in a relationship.

Don’t ignore any issue bothering your mind.

If you don’t tackle it, it wouldn’t go away by itself. It will continue to hunt and hurt you until you face it and say enough is enough.

Learn to forgive your partner wholeheartedly.

Don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongdoing.

Don’t keep malice with your partner.

Don’t go to bed with anger and bitterness in your heart against your partner.

When you feel offended let your partner know by talking about it, don’t assume he/she should know.

Don’t give up on your relationship over little quarrel or misunderstanding.
Finally, if it is not working, you are free to walk out of it. Remember, it is a free world.

Never get violent against your partner.

You can never predict what a single violent act can result to in an agitated situation.

A single violent act can put you behind bars for the rest of your life.

It is always better to walk away.

Lets say NO to domestic violence in marriages.

Say NO to unhealthy or toxic relationship as a single.

Love Doctor’s Advice 008

Communication is the lifeline of a loving and healthy relationship. Make effort to communicate with your partner on a daily basis. Don’t assume your partner understand things. Assumptions is the cause of most misunderstanding and conflicts. Communicate your thoughts, fears, concerns and mood clearly. Make sure you are understood. When you make your partner understand what you are passing through, it will be easy for them to provide support. Regular communication makes partner not just lovers but also best friends.

 
There is nothing perfect in this imperfect world. No one is perfect including you. So stop expecting your partner to be perfect. Stop setting unrealistic expectations and standards for your partner. Accept your partner the way they are. If there is need for improvement, communicate it with love. Nothing transforms people faster than love. Complaining and nagging hardly works.

 
Don’t avoid arguments and misunderstanding by all cost in your relationship. Most relationships without little arguments and fights here and there, are usually full of secrets and partners who don’t really care. Give room for quarrels and misunderstanding, it enables you to know each other better. Though they must be handle maturely and you must put the relationship first ahead of individual’s ego.

 
Misunderstanding and conflicts are normal occurrence when two people from different backgrounds, exposure and temperament come together as one in a relationship. Expect and understand this so you don’t think you two have fall out of love when it starts happening. Create a harmless way to resolve the misunderstanding and conflicts that will inevitably happen in your relationship.You must resolved never to attack each other physically or use deregatory language against each other during quarrels. Such resolution helps a great deal. When you are determined to resolve issues and not dissolve your relationship. It will strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

 
Respect is very important in a relationship if you want it to be a healthy, loving and lasting one. You must respect your partner’s opinion, space and person- who they are. Respect should never be a one sided affair. It should not be genderly based. Respect should be reciprocated. Give your partner respect and expect it in return.

Love Doctor’s Advice 004

When you are angry with your lover that is the time to keep quiet or think twice about what you are uttering. Because anger make us want to say something hurtful. You must be careful not to say anything that you will regret later. Words uttered during a fight can do a damage that will be irreparable if you fail to control your tongue. Make it a rule that during a misunderstanding in your relationship that you will attack issues(the cause of the quarrel) not personality(your lover).

 
Do you desire to make your lover happy when he/she does something for you and want them to do more of it. The secret is to lavish them with appreciation no matter how little what they did for you. Most time we make mistake of complaining about something in what they did. Why didn’t you buy this colour? Why didn’t you buy that instead of this? Why didn’t you do it this way? This kind of response discourage people. Learn to give appreciation generously. It gives encouragement and gladdens your lover’s heart. And if you are not satisfied with what they did instead of complaining tactfully suggest what you would have prefer next time they want to do the same thing after you must have shown them genuine appreciation.

 
Every once in a while surprise your lover with a gift for no particular reason. Gift brings down resistance and gladdens the heart of the receiver. The key to a lady’s heart is a gift. Men also love gift. Gift works like magic on all of us. Especially when the gift is coming from the person we love and cherish. We feel loved, appreciated, special and elated when someone special(a lover) get us a gift.

 
Whenever there is a problem in your relationship: Before you start thinking of what your partner did wrong. First figure out what you did to contribute to the problem. When you approach fights and misunderstanding in your relationship in this manner, you wouldn’t stay mad at each other for long. And it will be easy to resolve issue because you won’t be blaming everything on your lover. You will be able to see your own fault and start with your own apology which will make it easy for your partner to accept their fault and apologise too.

 
A Relationship without trust is destined to fail sooner or later. After you have established a heart connection with your partner, the next important thing to is to build up trust between the two of you. I trust you is more powerful than I love you. A cliche says don’t lie to someone that trust you and never trust a person who lies to you. The key to earning someone’s trust is being honest and truthful with them. Make effort to earn the trust of your partner. Trust is the bedrock of a healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Love Doctor’s Advice 002

 

  • A healthy relationship is the one that a sorry and smile can bring the situation back to normal after a misunderstanding. A heart that truly loves you can’t be angry with you for long.

 

  • Whenever you experience a bad day always restrain yourself from venting it out on your lover. Put it at the back of your mind that he/she is not the cause. And be aware that it damages relationship. Instead of transferring your aggression to feel better why not share your bad experience with your partner. Your lover’s sympathy will make you feel better than venting out on him/ her.

 

  • Love, care and attention should be given freely in a relationship. Any relationship you have to beg for all of these is very unhealthy for your mental well-being. Love yourself enough to quit.

 

  • Learn to give your support and encouragement to your partner’s dream, ambition, goal and project. Be their number one cheerleader. Be their fortress when they are feeling low and insecure. When you make yourself your lover’s source of inspiration and motivation then you have make yourself irreplaceable in their life.

 

  • Fight, quarrel, argument and misunderstanding are normal in a relationship. Just make sure your feeling of anger doesn’t outweighs the love you have for your partner during turbulent times. Do not let misunderstanding change your feelings for your partner. Then your love will wax stronger and get better day by day.