Tag: Marriage

Relationship Nuggets 005

Competition is not ideal in a healthy relationship. It breeds a hostile atmosphere. Relationship is about togetherness not battle of the sexes. Relationship is not about fighting for which gender is superior. Healthy relationship involves two partners supporting and understanding each other. The right mindset in a relationship should be to see the failure of one as the failure of all: And same for success. Partners should encourage each other to break boundaries not compete with each other for who will be more successful and richer. See your partner as your team mate not as your competitor. When you support each other, you will grow, succeed and stay together.

 

Be careful of who you tell everything that happens in your relationship and who you run to for relationship advice. Most people you see as friends are not really your friends. Oftentimes they get jealous and bitter when you tell them about the happenings in your relationship. Most times your friends wish they have the kind of relationship you have that you are still complaining one or two things about to them. Human are naturally jealous and envious when they see people who have what they lack. And very few people can keep their jealous/envy under control, most people usually allow it to control them. This fact can make your friends give you advice that will make you do stuff that will ruin your relationship or even snatch away your partner from you. So before you take advice from a friend, you should always ask yourself will it help improve your relationship or make things worse.

 

Faithfulness is becoming a rare trait these days. If you want a faithful partner you must first choose to be a faithful person yourself. Then you must be determined never to settle for a cheating/unfaithful partner. Work on yourself to get to the state of mind when you tell a cheating partner to be faithful or lose you irrespective of how much you love and want to be with that person. Grow and develop yourself in every aspect of your life. When you work on yourself to become someone of great value it will become difficult for you to tolerate shit in a relationship. Make yourself that partner that brings value to a relationship apart from money(man) and your body(woman). Make yourself that partner that someone is afraid to lose because it will be difficult to replace him/her. Be a faithful and value adding partner.

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Relationship Nuggets 002

When it comes to making decision concerning your relationship, always follow your heart. Pay attention to what your mind/inner voice is telling you. Don’t ignore the red flag just because you have become emotionally attached to the person in question.. And never ignore the green flag just because things don’t look rosy yet for the prospective partner or because of fear of what people will say based on your choice of partner. Be the master of your relationship fate. Don’t let people rush/pressurize you into a relationship or marriage with the wrong person. Don’t let people decide for you. When(the time) to marry or be in a relationship is totally up to you. Who(the person) you should get marry to or be in a relationship with is also totally up to you. Be open to advise but be sure you are the one making the final decision because it is you that will be in the relationship/marriage. Your happiness and peace of mind should be the one factor to determine if a relationship is worth your effort and time or not.

 

Atimes the best decision to make is to choose to let go. Don’t let the fear of the unknown and loneliness make you hold on tight to someone/relationship that is affecting your physical, mental and emotional well-being negatively. It is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship where you are made to feel lonely. A relationship is supposed to shield you from physical and emotional hurt/pain not to be the one causing it. Any relationship that is constantly taking away your peace of mind, happiness and sound sleep should be too expensive for you to maintain. Let go of who/what is hurting you. It won’t be easy from the beginning but it will get better with time and it will worth it in the long run.

 

A cheat will always be a cheat no matter what you do or didn’t do. A partner that want to cheat will always find a reason to cheat and an excuse to justify himself/herself. So Don’t be so hard on yourself when you find out your partner is cheating on you. It is not your fault. It doesn’t mean you are not good enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough. When your partner cheat on you it doesn’t show you have a problem but only indicates they have a problem with being faithful and loyal to a single partner. When you discovered that your partner is cheating but you still want to continue with the relationship then it’s better to focus on the real problem which is your cheating partner, don’t waste time fighting with who they cheated on you with. The only way to prevent your partner from cheating on you is to vividly put it across to him/her that you will not put up with being cheated on in a relationship. Let it be clear to your partner that if they step of the union to get sexual satisfaction there won’t be any union to come back to. Someone that truly loves you and want you to be part of his/her life will be willing to put in the effort to stay faithful and loyal to you because he/she won’t want to lose you when you make it clear that it’s either faithfulness or nothing at all. If he/she doesn’t stop sleeping around you should know that you don’t mean much to that person.

2 Important Questions Most Ladies Usually Ask At The Wrong Time

Questions are so important in life because they help us find out answers to stuff that troubles our mind.

Asking questions from others help us to decipher their intentions toward us especially in a romantic relationship.

It is always important to ask questions and get clarifying answers instead of assuming things.

Most people usually assume their position in other people’s lives when it comes to relationship.

Have had stories of ladies and guys who assumed their position in other people’s lives only to find out later that the other person never see them as they have thought they mean to them.

If he didn’t ask you out, don’t assume you have a relationship just because he calls you often and cares about you or uses sweet words for you.

If she didn’t say yes, you don’t have a relationship.

Don’t assume you do because she visits or check up on you. What is not clearly defined usually results to waste of time and effort.

Assumption in relationships usually results to complication.

It pays to ask questions in order to clearly know your stand in a relationship.

Don’t think he wants you, let him spell it out by asking you out and making it official or you do the asking out yourself. Don’t think she wants you, let her spell it out by saying yes to your advances in words and actions.

Asking questions about where you stand in a relationship and where the relationship is heading to is one sure way to avoid heartbreak and waste of your precious time and effort.

So never go with the flow or string along just because you are tired of being single or carried away by the sweetness of person towards you.

Ask questions to be sure you are on the same page except you are not after something serious. Be sure he/she feels the same way about you.

Don’t waste your precious time in an imaginary happily ever after that doesn’t have a beginning.

This article is actually written to address two important questions most ladies usually ask at the wrong time from guys they love and want to have something with for a long period of time.

The wrong timing will not let you get the right answer(truth) and will make you vulnerable to guys that just want to use and dump you.

 
1. What are we: This is a very important question which most ladies ask at the wrong time.

The answer to this question will determine the foundation and direction of your relationship with a guy.

This question must have a concrete answer before you decide to get deeply involved with any guy.

Your relationship should be clearly defined.

It should never be assumed. Never assume you have a relationship with a guy just because he checks on you often or he is always sweet towards you.

Don’t be deceived by constant calls, freebies and sweetness. Guys will do whatever they need to do in order to go down with a lady without having anything clearly defined with her.

That’s why we have Friends with benefits.

Don’t be a victim except that is what you are looking for.

The right time to ask this question is before getting emotional attached and intimate with a guy.

Never make a mistake of going down with a guy before knowing your place in his life.

Asking a guy what are we after sex will make you appear as a joke and slut/cheap girl.

A guy that wants to take you serious might even have a second thought because he might assume that’s how you do with lots of guys even if you don’t.

 
2. Will you marry me: This is another important question ladies often ask at a wrong time. Most ladies ask this question before giving their body to a guy.

This question is often asked to know if the new guy wouldn’t run away after getting what he wants like the other guys have done in time pass.

Ladies I want you to think like a guy for a second.

If you are a guy and all you are after is sex and nothing more.

After trying everything to get her to bed but failed then you discovered that all it takes to eat the honey pot is to make a marriage promise.

Wouldn’t you make it and achieve your set goals.

Am sure if you haven’t fall victim to this, you must have heard about ladies that have been deceived by men with marriage promises just to get what they want.

If you want to know if a guy will marry you or not pay rapt attention to his words(both spoken and unspoken) and actions towards you on a regular basis.

When man has truly decide want to spend the rest of his life with you, you will know by the way he relates, cares and corrects you.

He will let you know about his dreams, aspiration and future plans. And you will definitely feature in those plans.

If a man truly loves you and foresee a future with you, he is going to factor you in into everything he does and it will be obvious to you and everyone around.

I hear ladies say you can’t know if a man truly loves you but I beg to differ.

Most ladies see the warning signs but as human beings we get easily carried away by emotion and chose to close our eyes to glaring back off signs.

In other words, we see what we want to see and ignore the reality.

If you pay rapt attention to your man actions and words towards you, you can easily tell his intentions towards you no matter how much of a liar and pretender he is.

The bottomline is this :

Define your relationship with a man before getting too intimate with him and be sure of what you want in a relationship before deciding to enter into one.

Finally, before you decide to invest your heart, body, soul and spirit into a relationship be sure it is something with a future so you don’t have reason to regret later in life about wasted time and effort or become a hater of all men because of what few men did to you.

 

For advice on any relationship issue, you can reach me through oluwaseyiadeoshun@gmail.com or DM me on twitter and instagram @seyilovedoctor

Don’t Marry A Man/Woman With These Behaviour: 4 Red Flag Signs You Must Not Overlook In A Relationship.

Relationship and marriage failure don’t just happen overnight. Relationships and marriages don’t turn violent, abusive and unhealthy all of a sudden. There are signs at the beginning that we often ignore because we chose to be blinded by our emotion or we are hopeful that things will just get better without addressing them. At the initial stage of the relationship people usually try as much as possible to be sweet and hide their true character. However, character they say is like a smoke which cannot be hidden forever- it always reveal itself.

One important thing to do at the beginning of a relationship is to pay close attention to the character/behaviour of your partner before you get too deeply attached to him/her emotionally.

You must never let your emotion get the best of you in the face of potential danger.

Don’t let your emotion do the thinking for you.

Don’t get too desperate to be in a relationship just because you are tired of being single.

Most abusive relationship could have been totally avoided at the beginning before getting deeply involved if only the persons involved had pay attention to red flag signs you must not ignore in a relationship before it get too serious.

Here are the red flag signs you must watch out for if you dont want to end up in a violent or abusive relationship/marriage:

1. Aggressiveness: I saw a video on twitter about a lady who was beaten black and blue by her ex just because she left him. In the video, she said she didn’t believe she could survived the violent attack. I must say she is lucky because most victims of aggressive and violent partners don’t live to tell their bitter story.

We can tell if someone is overly aggressive in a relationship but oftentimes we make excuses for their aggressive actions towards us because we have become emotionally attached to them.

If he hits you at will when you are still dating just imagine how often he will use you as a punchbag over little misunderstanding when you are both married.

Some ladies make a mistake of perceiving aggression as manliness.

If you think he will use his aggression to protect you, think twice because you will surely become a victim of it one day.

Aggressiveness is not only a male gender thing, it applies to the female too.

There are women physically abusing their husband or even ending their hubby life.

If she throws object at you or uses dangerous objects to threaten you during a misunderstanding, you should know that you are not safe in such a relationship.

Aggressiveness is a red flag sign that most people usually overlook when they allow their emotion to overrule their judgement.

The sad news is most people that make this grievous mistake don’t live to tell their story while few that survived abusive relationship with an aggressive partner carries with them a fearsome memory and an indellible scar they will not forget for the rest of their lives.

So be careful before you decide to ignore this red flag sign.

2. Irresponsible behaviour: Most people focus too much on physical looks and financial status before considering a prospective partner. That in itself is not a bad idea if only the important things are not trivialize or ignored completely.

The important thing to look out for when it comes to chosing a partner is the person’s behaviour/character.

This is because it is the behaviour of the person that will determine how they will treat you or conduct theirself in the relationship.

If you are planning to get married to someone, it is important for you to be sure he/she doesn’t have a behaviour that will frustrate and jeopardize the success of nuptial conjugation in the nearest future.

We have heard lot of stories of irresponsible partners leading to high rise in divorce rate in our generation. Some are stories of married men neglecting their marital responsibility while chasing single ladies in town. Or men neglecting their pregnant wife. Women are not left out. Stories of married women leaving their children and husband for a richer guy is also all over the place.

You must be sure if he/she is a responsible person. That’s someone that wouldn’t neglect his/her marital responsibily and daring the consequences.

3. Promiscuity: Staying faithful and loyal is a personal choice which require self control. Faithfulness and loyalty are very important for the success of any relationship/marriage.

However, some people are not willing to deny their body of any sexual pleasure.

They lack the self control/discipline require to stay faithful to one sexual partner. They allow their sexual urges dictate their action at the expenses of their relationship.

People like these often says everyone cheat.

You must stay away from people like these if you know you can’t handle seeing your partner sleeping around when you are married.

If he/she does it during dating/courtship period, chances are high he/she will continue to do it when you eventually get married.

Some people see promiscuity as a normal way of life.

They believe everyone cheats and it is impossible to stay faithful to one sexual partner for a long time.

These are lies promiscuous person or cheater use to justify their abnormal behaviour.

Cheating is not normal in a relationship. Cheating is not a mistake but a choice.

It indicates lack of self control over sexual urges.

It shows that the person don’t really care about hurting their partner’s feelings.

Men and women cheat.

Not all men cheat and same can be said for women.

Don’t make a mistake of settling for a promiscuous partner just because people are saying everyone cheat.

Not everyone cheat. There are still people(men and women) who don’t cheat.

4. Manipulative behaviour: This is the last red flag sign you should watch out for in a relationship before you consider take it to another level -marriage.

Some people are expert at manipulating people.

They don’t enter into a relationship because they are in love, they only enter when they have find someone they can manipulate and take undue advantage of financially or in other area base on their need.

What they do is to use people to further their own selfish cause.

They will blackmail you emotionally or bully/threaten you just to get what they want in the relationship.

Partner like this will want you to do everything for them as if you are oblige to.

If you fail to do what they ask of you, they will throw tantrum at you like kids do.

They will pick up a fight with you or say stuff that will make you feel guilty.

Be careful of emotional manipulators.

Pay attention to the red flag signs discussed so as not to regret your decision later in the future concerning your choice of partner like most married people are regretting.

The Right Mindset Towards Misunderstanding In A Relationship

Misunderstanding is a normal occurence between partners due to differences in personality, temperament, upbringing, exposure and many other factors.

Misunderstanding come and go, and it should never affect your loyalty to your partner.

Having a misunderstanding with your partner is not a genuine excuse to start giving undue attention to other men or women.

If you value your relationship, whenever there is a misunderstanding your thinking should be focus on resolving the issue and at the same time availing it to understand your partner better.

Let your loyalty to your partner be rigid not flexible.

Be loyal to your partner till the relationship is over.

Loyalty brings untold respect and admiration. It is immaturity to flirt with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner.

Stop trying to make your partner feel jealous by flirting with the opposite sex especially when there is a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you do that you are actually taking undue advantage of your partner’s emotion just because you know he/she loves you dearly.

If care is not taken that might destroy the relationship.

Whenever there is an issue in your relationship you must learn to face it heads on.

This is the only way to find a lasting solution to any problem that may arise in your relationship.

Doing otherwise is usually counter-productive.

Ignoring a problem don’t make it go away, it only make it get worse/bigger.

It is also immaturity to keep malice with your partner no matter the situation.

Don’t keep whatever is hurting you in your relationship to yourself. Speak out.

Don’t be bullied or threaten or blackmail to silence/submission in your relationship.

If you and your partner can’t learn to manage your issues and misunderstanding peacefully and live with each other happily in spite of them, then it is pointless to continue to remain in such a relationship.
When there is an issue in your relationship, find a way to resolve it amicably and continue loving each other.

If the problem is beyond remedy, it is better to go your separate way than to continue to remain together but embitter towards each other. This is because bitterness can make people do unreasonable things to the person they claimed to love.

Naturally love forgives and forgets wrongdoing.

However, if the offence is too much for your heart to forgive and mind to forget it is better to walk out of the relationship.

It is unlawful and immaturity to think of hurting or harming your partner irrespective of what they did wrong.

I have heard too many stories of man/woman murdering their partner.

The question i keep asking myself is “for what reason?”.

Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where you might end up spending the rest of your life in jail over something that is totally preventable.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not making you happier and adding value to your life then it is not worth losing your sleep and peace of mind over.

If it is not working, it is okay to let it go.

Though it is advisable to give it your best shots before calling it quit.

It is important to know when to keep trying and when to walk away in a relationship.

Adopt the right mindset towards misunderstanding in a relationship.

Don’t ignore any issue bothering your mind.

If you don’t tackle it, it wouldn’t go away by itself. It will continue to hunt and hurt you until you face it and say enough is enough.

Learn to forgive your partner wholeheartedly.

Don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongdoing.

Don’t keep malice with your partner.

Don’t go to bed with anger and bitterness in your heart against your partner.

When you feel offended let your partner know by talking about it, don’t assume he/she should know.

Don’t give up on your relationship over little quarrel or misunderstanding.
Finally, if it is not working, you are free to walk out of it. Remember, it is a free world.

Never get violent against your partner.

You can never predict what a single violent act can result to in an agitated situation.

A single violent act can put you behind bars for the rest of your life.

It is always better to walk away.

Lets say NO to domestic violence in marriages.

Say NO to unhealthy or toxic relationship as a single.

What Do You Want In A Relationship?

confusedThe aim of most serious relationship is to end in marriage.

Almost everyone desire to enjoy a happy married life.

However, desire, hope, wishes or prayers alone does not guarantee a happy married life.

A happy married life is an ultimate accomplishment when it comes to relationship for most people.

Success in any sphere of life requires extra effort and same can be said for relationships.

A happy married life must be work towards from the word go.

It takes knowing what you really want and not settling for less.

It also takes time, unconditional love, commitment, faithfulness, forgiveness, sacrifice, self displine, determination, emotional maturity among others.

These requirements must be streaming from both partners before a relationship can be able to stand the test of time and still remain healthy and loving.
Relationship and marriages fail most times because people don’t know exactly what they want.

If you want to be truly happy in your relationship you must clearly define exactly what you want in a relationship.

Talking about what you want in a relationship, am not referring to the superficial qualities like physical attractiveness, educational, social and financial status.

It is quite sad that most people over focus on them while ignoring things that are more important when it comes to chosing a partner.

Hold on for a second before you get me wrong.

I am not saying physical attraction, financial capability, social and academic status are not important.

They are definitely important.

It is cool to be with someone you can flaunt because of their good look.

Money makes love sweeter. Infact finance is the fuel for romance. Social and educational status makes it easy to connect on an intellectual level in a relationship.
Many relationships and marriages still failed inspite of having all these qualities present in their spouses.

Why so?

There are many people in relationship or marriage with a very good looking partner who is financially okay and also share similar academic and social status yet they are not happy together.

So what is the missing link in their relationship?

It is important to know the really important things when it comes to relationship.

The important thing to do before venturing into a love affair is to first sit down and highlight what you really want in a relationship.

You should define the kind of person you want.

You should clearly state out the qualities you desire in a mate.

For instance, you can say you want a person that is confident, caring, non-violent, understanding, friendly, open minded, respectful, law abiding among others.

You must also clearly define how you will be treated and what you will not endure or tolerate in a relationship.

Without a concrete resolution on what you want in a relationship you will continue to settle for just any person that comes your way which will make it pretty difficult to enjoy a loving and healthy relationship needless to mention a happy married life.
Relationship is beyond just having a good looking, educated or financially buoyant partner.

You also need someone that will treat well.

You need someone that will show you unconditional love.

You need someone that will let you know you mean the world to him/her.

You need someone that will make you feel special and on top of the world.

You need someone that is afraid to lose you.

You need someone that will dry away your tears and make deliberate effort to make you happy on a consistent basis without a reason.

You need someone that will accept, value and respect you for who you are.

You need someone that is committed to helping you to be your best possible in every sphere of life.

You need someone you don’t have to beg or compete for his/her attention and affection.

You need someone who is proud to have you and wouldn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends and family.

My aim of writing this article is to help you enjoy your relationship by knowing exacting what you want as an individual when it comes to your relationship goals.

So what do you want in a relationship?

Do you know what your heart, soul and body want in terms of relationship?

Faithfulness Is Romantic, Sweet And Safe

Faithfulness to one partner is not boring contrary to popular opinion among cheats or unfaithful partners.

A scholar once said we are pluralistic in nature, hence the reason most people find it difficult to remain faithful to one partner.

This might not be completely true but to a certain degree it is the truth for some people because they have never been completely faithful to a single partner since they have venture into the world of relationship.

I will be honest with you, we are humans, imperfect being. We goof often.

We are constantly striving to maintain a balance between two forces (Good and bad forces) pulling us towards theirselves.

Hence, the numerous temptation we face as human.

However, facing numerous temptation is not a justification to do what is not right.

It is important to stress that as a human we are also equiped with the capacity and strong-will to chose to do the right thing inspite of mounting temptation.

A matured person understands that to every action there is equal and opposite reaction.

In other words, every single action carries a consequence.

A matured person often consider the consequence of his/her action before making decision to either take it or not.

Relationship and marriages are meant for matured people.

My advice for any person who is searching for a partner for serious relationship or marriage is that you should make maturity as your number one criterion.

It is important state that age is not synonymous with maturity.

A matured person understands that once you are in a relationship your action will affect your partner either positively or negatively.

This knowledge should influence our decision in relationship.

Relationship has to do with put your partner’s feeling into consideration before doing anything that will directly or indirectly affect him/her.

A matured man will stay faithful to a single woman.

A real man understands that his manliness is not measure by the number of women he keeps as his sexual partners.

A matured woman will also stay faithful to one man.

A real woman doesn’t share her body with numerous men.

Her sense of importance, attractiveness and class are not dependent on the number of men she keeps or sleep with.

Relationship is sweet when there is love.

Love is sweet and waxes stronger day by day when there is trust.

Guess what, honesty and faithfulness beget and retain trust. If you want to enjoy your life and relationship find someone you love and be faithful to him/her.

Then begin to build a great life and relationship together as a team.

Faithfulness is number one quality most people desire in a partner.

Don’t demand what you can’t give. If you want a faithful partner, you must be determine to be one yourself.

Faithfulness is never boring.

Faithfulness is sweet, romantic and possible though it require self control and discipline.

Faithfulness helps protect you from contacting sexually transmitted diseases.

Lastly, sex get better and sweeter with the same partner with time not boring.

So let go of the myth that claim you will get bored, tired or satiated when you keep having sex with the same person for a long period.

It’s a lie.

Faithfulness to one partner in a relationship and marriage is not boring and impossible.

It is possible with determination and self control.

It is sweet and romantic in the sense that it helps you to concentrate your attention and affection on your partner alone which will help you know each other better and be able to build stronger bond necessary to keep aflame the fire of love and romance in the relationship.

It also enhance peace of mind.

Staying faithful to your partner is one of the best decision you will ever make in life. Thank you