Tag: Hurt

4 Signs That Will Let You Know If He Is A Player

One of the most frequently asked questions from ladies in Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa and India whenever I am sought after for relationship advice is “how can I know if he is real? “.

In other words, they are asking how can they differentiate between a guy that that truly loves them from those guys that just want to hit the jackpot few things and then hit the road.

Lot of single ladies are concerned about knowing how to separate a guy with genuine interest from the guy that is just after sex.

Guys who after getting sex move to the next available woman. Guys like that are often referred to as players because they play with ladies emotions in order to get what they want.

This article is written in order to help you spot guys whose intentions is to play around love just to get you to bed and then move to the next lady.

My purpose of writing is to help you as a lady avoid unnecessary heartbreaks, heartaches and disappointment.

Who is a player?

A player is someone who plays around love in order to get sex.

He pretends to have genuine interest in a lady until he gets what he is really after then shows his true colours.

A player is just after the moment, he doesn’t foresee a future with you.

A player is like a hunter, he keeps his gaze upon his target.

He does everything practically possible to get his target.

He chase unrelentingly until he gets what he wants.

He goes the extra mile.

He deceive.

He play the fool.

He creates a magnificent impression that makes him appear larger than life.

He is a rake and dandy.

The moment he gets what he wants from you the hunting game change.

The table turns in his favour because the chase becomes the chaser.

Once this happen they have the upper hand and begin to call the shot.

They will manipulate and take undue advantage of such a lady that falls into their Trap.

So how can you avoid falling victim to a player?

Here are signs that will help you know if a guy have a genuine intentions for you or he is just one of those players who are after sex and nothing more.

 
1) He Avoids Anything Definitive: One of the tricks of players is to be vague in their approach to ladies and relationships.

A player try every possible means to avoid being committed to just one lady/relationship.

They make you get confused about what exactly you have with them. You will be sure it’s not mere friendship because sex is involved but you won’t be able to define it as a relationship.

They leave doubting what you mean to them and where you belong in their lives.

They will awake your love without planning to actually love you back. They will make you become emotionally attached and hopeful about them without being committed to you.

They give you false hope that things will soon get serious between the two of you.

Their actions towards you will make you to continue to give them a benefit of doubt.

They will keep enjoying the benefits (your cookies) while you are in doubt of what exactly you share, who you are to them and if things will ever get serious.

Avoid guys who want to eat your cookies without any form of commitment.

If you are looking for a serious relationship don’t waste your time with someone who avoids defining what exist between you and him but just want you to go with the flow.

Guys like this want the package without paying for it.

They want to enjoy the goodies in a relationship without actually being in it in commitment-wise.

Before giving your goodies to a guy make you have both defined what you both want and he will be committed to you and the relationship.

Don’t be that lady he gives attention and affection to whenever he is horny.

These days players don’t hit and run. They hit and hit and hit until you run away yourself.

Be smart. Don’t be a sex object to any guy.

Define what is it that exist between you and a guy and let be clear to both of you.

 

2. He entices with money and material stuff: Players believe every woman has a price.

Player believe with money you can get any woman to open her legs. They believe all it takes to get any woman is money and material stuff.

Truth be told, this is true for many ladies though.

So a player never fails to use this weakness to their advantage when it comes to chasing women.

A player try his possible best to create a larger than life impression.

And this usually work because most ladies enter into a relationship because of monetary and material gain.

A player makes plan on how much he needs to spend in order to impress and get a lady to bed.

He is usually not bother about the cash he has to part with in order to get a lady because he doesn’t plan staying long with her.

His plan is always simple: spend some money to impress her, get her to bed and change your attitude towards her.

Some players even take the game to another level by not changing their attitude but planning to get the money they spent on the lady back through emotional manipulation and black mail.

So be careful if you run into a guy who is overly focus on impressing you with money and material stuff.

Think twice before you fall head over heels for such a guy because he might just be a player using it as a bait to trap you into his game.

 
3. He does everything in excess: This is another signs to look out for. A player studies his target and determines which method is best to put to use in order to get what he want.

They can be extremely controlling or assertive so as to intimidate you and make you give in.

They can also be extremely patient with you if you are proving difficult or hard to get.

Heard of stories of guys been patient with a girl for months just to in between the legs and still hit the road after getting it.

They can be extremely sweet with words if they find that to be your soft spot. Such will be sweet to you whenever he wants to get you to bed and change afterwards.

They can be extremely blunt about sex just to make you feel it is the coolest thing to do with them.

Most of these extremely blunt guys can stand a lady saying no to them. As a result they might insult and humiliate you just because you don’t give in to their sexual advances.

 
4. He doesn’t make attempt to connect with you: One thing that is certain about we guys is we usually try to connect with a lady we have genuine feelings for and plan having in our lives for a long period of time.

We always make effort to find out stuff about a lady we love in order to understand and be able to relate with her well.

In other words, we make concerted effort to connect if we truly mean business.

A player is not really interested in getting to know you as a person but just interested in getting under your skirt.

If he doesn’t make attempt to connect with you before getting physical with you changes are high he will never try to.

Don’t make a mistake of giving him more sex will make him become interested in you.

There is no amount of sex that will change the mind of someone that is not interested in you except for sex.
Finally, I will advise you also follow your heart. Our mind and heart have an uncanny prowess to detect if someone has genuine intention for us or not but most times we ignore the guidance of our heart and mind and still give the wrong person a chance to hurt us.

We usually allow loneliness, peer pressure, financial benefits and physical attraction get the best of us and distract us from seeing people the way they are.

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Don’t Stay In An Abusive/Unhealthy Relationship: Relationship Is Not A Do Or Die Affair

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

Relationship should not be rush into just because you dread the feeling of being lonely.

Being single doesn’t mean your life is miserable.

So don’t enter into a relationship because you are lonely. You shouldn’t allow loneliness push you into unhealthy or toxic relationship.

Why would you stay in a relationship that bring continuous sorrow and pain to you, when there is someone out there who will cherish you and go the extra mile just to ensure you are happy.

Life is too short why would you decide to spend most of it in sadness and sorrow all in a name of relationship.

Our relationship determines to a great extent if we are going to enjoy our life on earth or not.

Though no relationship is perfect but a healthy relationship will not derail your life or career and bring you continuous sorrow, pain and sleepless night.

A person that truly loves you will always be careful not to hurt your feelings and make concerted effort to make you a happier and better person than you can be without him/her.

Relationship is not all about money.

Relationship is not all about catching feelings.

Relationship is not all about physical attraction.

You must learn to develop your emotional intelligence so as to prevent your emotions from controlling your life and causing you to make wrong choice when it comes to chosing a partner.

You must not allow your emotion to always determine the direction of your life and relationship.

Stop desiring or longing for someone who take you for granted just because he/she looks great or support you financially.

Stop longing for someone who you have to fight for his/her attention and affection just you find it difficult to stop thinking about him/her.

Stop falling in love with the same kind of people that keep using and dumping you.

Stop falling in love with people that make you feel inadequate and hard to love.

You need to displine and guide your heart.

Guide your heart with all dilligent for out of it flows the decision that will make or mar you in life and relationship.

Only give your heart to someone that will value and take good care of it.

Stop chasing people that you need to convince before they notice your worth and uniqueness.

Quit worrying about someone who does not have time for you.

You don’t need to beg for attention and affection from a person that loves and values you.

Learn to let go of any person or relationship that continuously cause you pain/hurt your feelings.

Any relationship that take away your happiness, peace of mind and sound night sleep is too expensive, let it go.

You must learn to know when to keep fighting for your relationship and when to give up on a dead relationship.

Love yourself enough to settle for someone that makes you happy and better.

You must also know that there is a difference between fighting for love and fighting for someone to love you.

Real and true love is never complicated, the moment things is getting complicated that is the best time to walk away.

Complicated relationship is nothing but time waster and joy killer.

Decide to always be with someone that cherish and appreciates you.

Decide to either be in a healthy relationship or be alone.

The Right Mindset Towards Misunderstanding In A Relationship

Misunderstanding is a normal occurence between partners due to differences in personality, temperament, upbringing, exposure and many other factors.

Misunderstanding come and go, and it should never affect your loyalty to your partner.

Having a misunderstanding with your partner is not a genuine excuse to start giving undue attention to other men or women.

If you value your relationship, whenever there is a misunderstanding your thinking should be focus on resolving the issue and at the same time availing it to understand your partner better.

Let your loyalty to your partner be rigid not flexible.

Be loyal to your partner till the relationship is over.

Loyalty brings untold respect and admiration. It is immaturity to flirt with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner.

Stop trying to make your partner feel jealous by flirting with the opposite sex especially when there is a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you do that you are actually taking undue advantage of your partner’s emotion just because you know he/she loves you dearly.

If care is not taken that might destroy the relationship.

Whenever there is an issue in your relationship you must learn to face it heads on.

This is the only way to find a lasting solution to any problem that may arise in your relationship.

Doing otherwise is usually counter-productive.

Ignoring a problem don’t make it go away, it only make it get worse/bigger.

It is also immaturity to keep malice with your partner no matter the situation.

Don’t keep whatever is hurting you in your relationship to yourself. Speak out.

Don’t be bullied or threaten or blackmail to silence/submission in your relationship.

If you and your partner can’t learn to manage your issues and misunderstanding peacefully and live with each other happily in spite of them, then it is pointless to continue to remain in such a relationship.
When there is an issue in your relationship, find a way to resolve it amicably and continue loving each other.

If the problem is beyond remedy, it is better to go your separate way than to continue to remain together but embitter towards each other. This is because bitterness can make people do unreasonable things to the person they claimed to love.

Naturally love forgives and forgets wrongdoing.

However, if the offence is too much for your heart to forgive and mind to forget it is better to walk out of the relationship.

It is unlawful and immaturity to think of hurting or harming your partner irrespective of what they did wrong.

I have heard too many stories of man/woman murdering their partner.

The question i keep asking myself is “for what reason?”.

Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where you might end up spending the rest of your life in jail over something that is totally preventable.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not making you happier and adding value to your life then it is not worth losing your sleep and peace of mind over.

If it is not working, it is okay to let it go.

Though it is advisable to give it your best shots before calling it quit.

It is important to know when to keep trying and when to walk away in a relationship.

Adopt the right mindset towards misunderstanding in a relationship.

Don’t ignore any issue bothering your mind.

If you don’t tackle it, it wouldn’t go away by itself. It will continue to hunt and hurt you until you face it and say enough is enough.

Learn to forgive your partner wholeheartedly.

Don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongdoing.

Don’t keep malice with your partner.

Don’t go to bed with anger and bitterness in your heart against your partner.

When you feel offended let your partner know by talking about it, don’t assume he/she should know.

Don’t give up on your relationship over little quarrel or misunderstanding.
Finally, if it is not working, you are free to walk out of it. Remember, it is a free world.

Never get violent against your partner.

You can never predict what a single violent act can result to in an agitated situation.

A single violent act can put you behind bars for the rest of your life.

It is always better to walk away.

Lets say NO to domestic violence in marriages.

Say NO to unhealthy or toxic relationship as a single.

Don’t Rush Into Relationship Because Of Loneliness

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

Relationship should not be rush into just because you dread the feeling of being lonely.

Don’t stay in a relationship that bring continuous sorrow and pain to you.

Life is too short so enjoy it while it last.

Our relationship determines to a great extent if we are going to enjoy our life on earth or not.

Though no relationship is perfect but a healthy relationship will not derail your life or career and bring you continuous sorrow, pain and sleepless night.

A person that truly loves you will always be careful not to hurt your feelings and make concerted effort to make you a happier and better person than you can be without him/her.

Relationship is not all about money.

Relationship is not all about catching feelings.

You must learn to develop your emotional intelligence so as to prevent your emotions from controlling your life.

You must not allow your emotion to always determine the direction of your life and relationship.

Only give your heart to someone that will value and take good care of it.

Stop chasing people that you need to convince before they notice your worth and uniqueness.

Quit worrying about someone who does not have time for you.

You don’t need to beg for attention and affection from a person that loves and values you.

Learn to let go of any person or relationship that continuously cause you pain and hurt your feelings.

Love yourself enough to only settle for someone that makes you happy and better.

Decide to always be with someone that cherish and appreciates you.

Decide from today that you will either be in a healthy relationship or remain single.

#1090 Quote

Hurting People Hurt People

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Love and human beings are inseparable. Love is just an abstract thing which totally depend on human to be felt or expressed.

Love is a beautiful thing but human can chose to be good or wicked.

Your experience of love is totally dependent on the persons you encountered in your quest to find love.

If you come in contact with a wholesome person you will have a wholesome love experience. On the other hand, if you come in contact with a hurting person, what will most definitely happen is they will hurt you too either intentionally or otherwise.

 

I observe that there is a lot of bitter, broken and hurting persons has a result of hurt and disappointment from past failed relationships resulting in a vicious cycle of unhealthy and abusive relationships in recent time.

If you are hurting or broken hearted rushing into another relationship is not the best choice for you.

Oftentimes hurting people rush into the arm of another romantic partner not out of love but loneliness.

If you are hurting or broken hearted healing process should be your number one priority not another love affair.

When you are hurting you wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to give your best in a relationship.

You will be skeptical about love and everything about the new partner. You will have trust and commitment issues. You will be absent minded in the relationship. All of these and many more will directly or indirectly hurt your new partner.

It is important to ensure you seek healing for your hurting and broken heart before you consider sharing the heart with someone new.

Don’t let someone who have no idea about who hurt you suffer for the pain and hurt you experienced in your past relationship.

Four Signs Of A Complicated Relationship

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Naturally relationship takes effort, time and resources.

Atimes these demands can be overwhelming. Needless to say complicated relationship will be more overwhelming and soul sapping.

What makes a complicated relationship even worse is the fact that you are hopelessly investing into a not definite thing with a desperation to see it work.

There are so many people whose lives have been made a mess just because they got theirselves into a complicated love affair.
Most time its not obvious from the beginning that a relationship will wound up to become a complicated one but there are signals by which you can recognise if a relationship has become a complicated one or not.

The following are the signs to look out for :

 

1. If You Don’t Have Something Definitive: Don’t get it twisted, relationship is not just having someone to call or talk to.

It is not just having someone to share a bed with. Relationship is more than that.

All of that is nothing more than friendship with benefits or better still a complicated affair.

If what you have is not definitive then you actually don’t have anything to hold on to.

A serious relationship should be concrete. You should know exactly where you stand in a relationship. If you don’t clearly know where you stand with your partner in a love affair,this is the right time for you to ask in order to clarify all doubt.

Never should you assume. And take serious the reply you get.

 

2. If You Are Not Genuinely Happy: Though it is often said that one’s happiness should come from within not from others.

However, it can never be over be overemphasis that the people around us have a huge effect on us especially when it comes to our happiness and feelings in general.

This is more glaring if the person is someone we share an intimate relationship with.

So if this person you have chosen as the love of your life does not make any effort to make you happy then you should double check if the status of such relationship is not complicated.

A person who truly loves you and take you serious will naturally want to help you find your own happiness from within and also make conscious effort to make you happy.

 

3. If He/She Does Not Care About Your Feelings: This is a no brainer. These days cheating has become the norms in most relationships.

However, a guy or girl that loves you and take what you share serious will not flauntly cheat on you if he or she cheat at all.

On the contrary, a guy or lady that does not take you serious will do all sorts of things without considering if it will hurt your feelings or not.

 

4. If You Are The Only One Doing The Giving: If you are the only one putting in the effort, time, attention and resources into the relationship so that it can continue to exist then it’s totally unhealthy and complicated my dear.

A serious relationship is like a two sided coin. It is a give and take scenario.

For the sake of your mental health and healthy self esteem a one sided relationship should be a No-No.

Put your relationship under the search light. Ladies and gentlemen if your relationship is not a two sided relationship nearing balance it is time to think twice about you continuing to invest your time, effort and resources in a relationship that is bound to fail.

Don’t make your life complicated and difficult by wallowing in a complicated relationship.

Take your life back and move forward to something better.

12 Steps That Will Help You Get Over A Heartbreak

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1: Seek to love yourself. Love yourself enough not to beg for affection from someone who has made it clear through his words or body languages that he/ she is no longer emotionally available for you.

2: Move on with your life. Don’t continue to live in the past.

3: Meet new people. Go out with friends.

4: Allow time to heal the hurt and bruise in your heart.

5: Don’t rush into another relationship.

6: Fall in love when you meet the right person.

7: Learn to let go of what is gone.

8: Stop blaming yourself over spilled milk.

9: Get yourself involved into something that will add spices  and value to your life.

10: Set better relationship goals. Don’t just settle for anything that comes your way.

11: Don’t blame your failed love affair on all the opposite sex. Never assume all men or women are the same. All men are not scum neither are all women bitch.

12: Learn your lesson and turn it into wisdom to guide you from making the same mistake later in the future. Don’t get burn by the same flame twice.