Tag: Cheating

Relationship Nuggets 005

Competition is not ideal in a healthy relationship. It breeds a hostile atmosphere. Relationship is about togetherness not battle of the sexes. Relationship is not about fighting for which gender is superior. Healthy relationship involves two partners supporting and understanding each other. The right mindset in a relationship should be to see the failure of one as the failure of all: And same for success. Partners should encourage each other to break boundaries not compete with each other for who will be more successful and richer. See your partner as your team mate not as your competitor. When you support each other, you will grow, succeed and stay together.

 

Be careful of who you tell everything that happens in your relationship and who you run to for relationship advice. Most people you see as friends are not really your friends. Oftentimes they get jealous and bitter when you tell them about the happenings in your relationship. Most times your friends wish they have the kind of relationship you have that you are still complaining one or two things about to them. Human are naturally jealous and envious when they see people who have what they lack. And very few people can keep their jealous/envy under control, most people usually allow it to control them. This fact can make your friends give you advice that will make you do stuff that will ruin your relationship or even snatch away your partner from you. So before you take advice from a friend, you should always ask yourself will it help improve your relationship or make things worse.

 

Faithfulness is becoming a rare trait these days. If you want a faithful partner you must first choose to be a faithful person yourself. Then you must be determined never to settle for a cheating/unfaithful partner. Work on yourself to get to the state of mind when you tell a cheating partner to be faithful or lose you irrespective of how much you love and want to be with that person. Grow and develop yourself in every aspect of your life. When you work on yourself to become someone of great value it will become difficult for you to tolerate shit in a relationship. Make yourself that partner that brings value to a relationship apart from money(man) and your body(woman). Make yourself that partner that someone is afraid to lose because it will be difficult to replace him/her. Be a faithful and value adding partner.

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Relationship Nuggets 002

When it comes to making decision concerning your relationship, always follow your heart. Pay attention to what your mind/inner voice is telling you. Don’t ignore the red flag just because you have become emotionally attached to the person in question.. And never ignore the green flag just because things don’t look rosy yet for the prospective partner or because of fear of what people will say based on your choice of partner. Be the master of your relationship fate. Don’t let people rush/pressurize you into a relationship or marriage with the wrong person. Don’t let people decide for you. When(the time) to marry or be in a relationship is totally up to you. Who(the person) you should get marry to or be in a relationship with is also totally up to you. Be open to advise but be sure you are the one making the final decision because it is you that will be in the relationship/marriage. Your happiness and peace of mind should be the one factor to determine if a relationship is worth your effort and time or not.

 

Atimes the best decision to make is to choose to let go. Don’t let the fear of the unknown and loneliness make you hold on tight to someone/relationship that is affecting your physical, mental and emotional well-being negatively. It is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship where you are made to feel lonely. A relationship is supposed to shield you from physical and emotional hurt/pain not to be the one causing it. Any relationship that is constantly taking away your peace of mind, happiness and sound sleep should be too expensive for you to maintain. Let go of who/what is hurting you. It won’t be easy from the beginning but it will get better with time and it will worth it in the long run.

 

A cheat will always be a cheat no matter what you do or didn’t do. A partner that want to cheat will always find a reason to cheat and an excuse to justify himself/herself. So Don’t be so hard on yourself when you find out your partner is cheating on you. It is not your fault. It doesn’t mean you are not good enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough. When your partner cheat on you it doesn’t show you have a problem but only indicates they have a problem with being faithful and loyal to a single partner. When you discovered that your partner is cheating but you still want to continue with the relationship then it’s better to focus on the real problem which is your cheating partner, don’t waste time fighting with who they cheated on you with. The only way to prevent your partner from cheating on you is to vividly put it across to him/her that you will not put up with being cheated on in a relationship. Let it be clear to your partner that if they step of the union to get sexual satisfaction there won’t be any union to come back to. Someone that truly loves you and want you to be part of his/her life will be willing to put in the effort to stay faithful and loyal to you because he/she won’t want to lose you when you make it clear that it’s either faithfulness or nothing at all. If he/she doesn’t stop sleeping around you should know that you don’t mean much to that person.

Don’t Marry A Man/Woman With These Behaviour: 4 Red Flag Signs You Must Not Overlook In A Relationship.

Relationship and marriage failure don’t just happen overnight. Relationships and marriages don’t turn violent, abusive and unhealthy all of a sudden. There are signs at the beginning that we often ignore because we chose to be blinded by our emotion or we are hopeful that things will just get better without addressing them. At the initial stage of the relationship people usually try as much as possible to be sweet and hide their true character. However, character they say is like a smoke which cannot be hidden forever- it always reveal itself.

One important thing to do at the beginning of a relationship is to pay close attention to the character/behaviour of your partner before you get too deeply attached to him/her emotionally.

You must never let your emotion get the best of you in the face of potential danger.

Don’t let your emotion do the thinking for you.

Don’t get too desperate to be in a relationship just because you are tired of being single.

Most abusive relationship could have been totally avoided at the beginning before getting deeply involved if only the persons involved had pay attention to red flag signs you must not ignore in a relationship before it get too serious.

Here are the red flag signs you must watch out for if you dont want to end up in a violent or abusive relationship/marriage:

1. Aggressiveness: I saw a video on twitter about a lady who was beaten black and blue by her ex just because she left him. In the video, she said she didn’t believe she could survived the violent attack. I must say she is lucky because most victims of aggressive and violent partners don’t live to tell their bitter story.

We can tell if someone is overly aggressive in a relationship but oftentimes we make excuses for their aggressive actions towards us because we have become emotionally attached to them.

If he hits you at will when you are still dating just imagine how often he will use you as a punchbag over little misunderstanding when you are both married.

Some ladies make a mistake of perceiving aggression as manliness.

If you think he will use his aggression to protect you, think twice because you will surely become a victim of it one day.

Aggressiveness is not only a male gender thing, it applies to the female too.

There are women physically abusing their husband or even ending their hubby life.

If she throws object at you or uses dangerous objects to threaten you during a misunderstanding, you should know that you are not safe in such a relationship.

Aggressiveness is a red flag sign that most people usually overlook when they allow their emotion to overrule their judgement.

The sad news is most people that make this grievous mistake don’t live to tell their story while few that survived abusive relationship with an aggressive partner carries with them a fearsome memory and an indellible scar they will not forget for the rest of their lives.

So be careful before you decide to ignore this red flag sign.

2. Irresponsible behaviour: Most people focus too much on physical looks and financial status before considering a prospective partner. That in itself is not a bad idea if only the important things are not trivialize or ignored completely.

The important thing to look out for when it comes to chosing a partner is the person’s behaviour/character.

This is because it is the behaviour of the person that will determine how they will treat you or conduct theirself in the relationship.

If you are planning to get married to someone, it is important for you to be sure he/she doesn’t have a behaviour that will frustrate and jeopardize the success of nuptial conjugation in the nearest future.

We have heard lot of stories of irresponsible partners leading to high rise in divorce rate in our generation. Some are stories of married men neglecting their marital responsibility while chasing single ladies in town. Or men neglecting their pregnant wife. Women are not left out. Stories of married women leaving their children and husband for a richer guy is also all over the place.

You must be sure if he/she is a responsible person. That’s someone that wouldn’t neglect his/her marital responsibily and daring the consequences.

3. Promiscuity: Staying faithful and loyal is a personal choice which require self control. Faithfulness and loyalty are very important for the success of any relationship/marriage.

However, some people are not willing to deny their body of any sexual pleasure.

They lack the self control/discipline require to stay faithful to one sexual partner. They allow their sexual urges dictate their action at the expenses of their relationship.

People like these often says everyone cheat.

You must stay away from people like these if you know you can’t handle seeing your partner sleeping around when you are married.

If he/she does it during dating/courtship period, chances are high he/she will continue to do it when you eventually get married.

Some people see promiscuity as a normal way of life.

They believe everyone cheats and it is impossible to stay faithful to one sexual partner for a long time.

These are lies promiscuous person or cheater use to justify their abnormal behaviour.

Cheating is not normal in a relationship. Cheating is not a mistake but a choice.

It indicates lack of self control over sexual urges.

It shows that the person don’t really care about hurting their partner’s feelings.

Men and women cheat.

Not all men cheat and same can be said for women.

Don’t make a mistake of settling for a promiscuous partner just because people are saying everyone cheat.

Not everyone cheat. There are still people(men and women) who don’t cheat.

4. Manipulative behaviour: This is the last red flag sign you should watch out for in a relationship before you consider take it to another level -marriage.

Some people are expert at manipulating people.

They don’t enter into a relationship because they are in love, they only enter when they have find someone they can manipulate and take undue advantage of financially or in other area base on their need.

What they do is to use people to further their own selfish cause.

They will blackmail you emotionally or bully/threaten you just to get what they want in the relationship.

Partner like this will want you to do everything for them as if you are oblige to.

If you fail to do what they ask of you, they will throw tantrum at you like kids do.

They will pick up a fight with you or say stuff that will make you feel guilty.

Be careful of emotional manipulators.

Pay attention to the red flag signs discussed so as not to regret your decision later in the future concerning your choice of partner like most married people are regretting.

Faithfulness Is Romantic, Sweet And Safe

Faithfulness to one partner is not boring contrary to popular opinion among cheats or unfaithful partners.

A scholar once said we are pluralistic in nature, hence the reason most people find it difficult to remain faithful to one partner.

This might not be completely true but to a certain degree it is the truth for some people because they have never been completely faithful to a single partner since they have venture into the world of relationship.

I will be honest with you, we are humans, imperfect being. We goof often.

We are constantly striving to maintain a balance between two forces (Good and bad forces) pulling us towards theirselves.

Hence, the numerous temptation we face as human.

However, facing numerous temptation is not a justification to do what is not right.

It is important to stress that as a human we are also equiped with the capacity and strong-will to chose to do the right thing inspite of mounting temptation.

A matured person understands that to every action there is equal and opposite reaction.

In other words, every single action carries a consequence.

A matured person often consider the consequence of his/her action before making decision to either take it or not.

Relationship and marriages are meant for matured people.

My advice for any person who is searching for a partner for serious relationship or marriage is that you should make maturity as your number one criterion.

It is important state that age is not synonymous with maturity.

A matured person understands that once you are in a relationship your action will affect your partner either positively or negatively.

This knowledge should influence our decision in relationship.

Relationship has to do with put your partner’s feeling into consideration before doing anything that will directly or indirectly affect him/her.

A matured man will stay faithful to a single woman.

A real man understands that his manliness is not measure by the number of women he keeps as his sexual partners.

A matured woman will also stay faithful to one man.

A real woman doesn’t share her body with numerous men.

Her sense of importance, attractiveness and class are not dependent on the number of men she keeps or sleep with.

Relationship is sweet when there is love.

Love is sweet and waxes stronger day by day when there is trust.

Guess what, honesty and faithfulness beget and retain trust. If you want to enjoy your life and relationship find someone you love and be faithful to him/her.

Then begin to build a great life and relationship together as a team.

Faithfulness is number one quality most people desire in a partner.

Don’t demand what you can’t give. If you want a faithful partner, you must be determine to be one yourself.

Faithfulness is never boring.

Faithfulness is sweet, romantic and possible though it require self control and discipline.

Faithfulness helps protect you from contacting sexually transmitted diseases.

Lastly, sex get better and sweeter with the same partner with time not boring.

So let go of the myth that claim you will get bored, tired or satiated when you keep having sex with the same person for a long period.

It’s a lie.

Faithfulness to one partner in a relationship and marriage is not boring and impossible.

It is possible with determination and self control.

It is sweet and romantic in the sense that it helps you to concentrate your attention and affection on your partner alone which will help you know each other better and be able to build stronger bond necessary to keep aflame the fire of love and romance in the relationship.

It also enhance peace of mind.

Staying faithful to your partner is one of the best decision you will ever make in life. Thank you

What You Allow: Will Continue

There is no perfect relationship anywhere.

So don’t expect to have a perfect relationship but healthy and loving relationship is a realistic and attainable goal.

Every relationship has its own challenges but there are some issues that are not part of the challenges expected of a healthy relationship. Once they start showing up in your relationship then you should know that there is a fire on the mountain. Some of these issues include habitual cheating, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation among others.

However, lot of people faces these issues and have gotten accustom to it to the extent of seeing it as a normal part of a relationship which is totally unhealthy.

Virtually, all relationship start on a sweet, loving and romantic note until one of the partners start showing their true colour -character.

If all relationships continues the way they begin, most relationships will never come to an end.
People usually start showing their true colour in relationships when they notice that their partner has become emotionally attached to them or after they have gotten what they want.

It is important to pay attention when your people start acting “who they truly are”. Don’t ever make a mistake of re-painting people when they show you their true colour by making excuses for them because of your emotional attachment to them.

It is better to end a relationship when your partner start showing his or her true colour before you get deeply involved in the quagmire over the time and you wind up in a complicated relationship.

Some people believe that what will be, will be but i don’t think it is wise to totally depend on such philosophy when it comes to relationship.

My belief is you meet your partner by fate and you fell in love by chance but your relationship will only work out by choice- the decisions you and your partner make with respect to your relationship. This is due to the fact that relationship requires effort if it will stand the test of time and be a healthy one.
However, it takes two to tangle. Only you cannot make your relationship healthy, loving and lasting. You and your partner must be actively involved in building your relationship to be healthy, loving and lasting.

In the course of building your relationship a lot of things will happen both the good and the bad. For the good stuff, you must encourage, appreciate and reciprocate if you want it to continue. For the bad stuff, you must address if you want it to stop.
Many people don’t want to be perceived as a nag hence they chose to keep quiet when they notice something is not right in their relationship.

The problem is ignoring a bad situation doesn’t make it disappear as many may have wanted.

It usually make situation worse.

The only way to arrest a bad situation is to address it immediately it rises.

Some people ignore problem because of the fear of what the outcome will be if they address it.

There are two possibilities when you decide to address an issue bothering you in your relationship as a result of your partner’s behaviour. The first is, the situation maybe remedy and your relationship will get better. The second is, the situation may get worse and the relationship will come to an end. Both outcome are very important. The first one indicate that your partner truly love and value you and the relationship while the second indicate otherwise.

Atimes you must be willing to let go before you can make some people want to change for good and stop taking you for granted.

Don’t be afraid of losing a partner that is causing you to continually lose your happiness and peace of mind.

Don’t allow your fear for loneliness make you remain in a relationship that continuously bring you sadness and sorrow.

Don’t allow an abusive relationship make you lose your sanity or send you to an early grave.
Whenever you notice something is not right in your relationship or you caught your partner doing what is not right, it is important to address the situation before it get out of hand.

Beyonce and Cardi B once caught their partner Jay Z and Offset respectively cheating. They address the issue instead of pretending it doesn’t happen. They both made it clear to their partner that they would not tolerate a cheating partner. Beyonce warning for Jay Z gave rise to her song “Lemonade”. Cardi B likewise sang ” Be Careful” to warn her unfaithful fiance, Offset of Migos.
The bottomline is this:

What you continue to keep quiet about and endure will continue to happen in your relationship.

If you are not happy with the situation in your relationship be courageous enough to speak to your partner about it, don’t die in silence.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not working and making you happier than you can be on your own let your partner know what he or she is not doing right. Demand a change, if they refuse to change for better it is okay if you work out of the relationship.

Don’t allow any relationship make you feel you deserve to be treated as a second fiddle.

Don’t allow anyone make you feel you deserve to be physically, mentally, sexually or emotionally abuse.

Don’t lose your dignity and self-worth while trying to hold on to a relationship with someone who doesn’t even care about your feelings or happiness.

If you don’t want it to continue, demand a change or walk away. If you tolerate it, it will continue.

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe

Every individual ooze an aura that gives people impression about the kind of person they are.

This aura is also called vibe.

We all give out vibes and this vibe determines the kind of people- tribe, who are attracted to us and how we are treated by people. Our vibe is dependent on factors like our upbringing and past relationships.

For instance, people who were not shown unconditional love during childhood might have a problem with their self esteem and self perception when they become an adult.

Low self esteem will make you second guess yourself.

Low self esteem will make you feel you are not good enough.

The deeply rooted belief that you are not good enough will permeate through your body language, gesture, expression on your face and everything about you.

This sends a wrong message to people around you who will react and treat you accordingly.

People who were repeatedly abuse physically or emotionally during their childhood usually end up getting attracted to partners who physically or emotionally abuse them as an adult. They are so used to abuse to the extent that they sees it as nothing bad or abnornal.

My point is your childhood experience and past relationships can conditioned your mind to accept abnornalities in relationships as your norms.

So what can you do to make a positive change?

The solution is to take time to re-evaluate your life and relationship everyone once in a while.

Take time to identify what is working and what is not.

You can not continue to do the same thing over and over yet expect a different result.

You can not continue to give out the same vibe which attract the same tribe(people) yet expect to experience a different relationship result/experience.

You must ensure you have the right mindset and beliefs about relationship and life.

Never allow your childhood experience and past abusive relationships color your view about relationship in a negative way.

Don’t let your past keep you captive.

Re-define yourself and your perspective about relationship.

Don’t just settle for just any kind of relationship.

Being physically or emotionally abuse in a relationship is an abnormality, don’t ever accept it as your own norm.

Cheating is not normal in a healthy relationship, don’t settle for partners that are habitual cheaters.

It’s better to be alone and be happy than to be in a relationship that constantly cause you tears, pain and hurt.

Learn to love yourself and cease to spend time with people who continuously make you believe you are not good enough.

You are special, unique, amazing, wonderful and lovable.

Negative opinions of people about you should not be your reality. Create your own reality.

Adopt a positive mindset about life and relationship.

Set boundary for people. Don’t allow people to take you for granted or treat you badly. Learn to walk away from negative people and unhealthy relationships.

Build up your self-confidence. Respect and treat yourself very well.

You are good enough.

Break free from vicious circle of abusive and unhealthy relationships.

Love yourself unconditionally and keep company of people genuinely love you and values you.

Finally, be conscious of the vibe you give out. Ensure you are giving out positive vibes so as to attract positive people(tribe).

Love Doctor’s Advice 011

Effort is an indication of interest. Any person that is genuinely interested in being a part of your life will put in the needed effort to be part of it. Anyone that truly care about you will never do anything that will hurt your feelings. Anyone that truly loves you will never wait for you to ask for their attention and affection before it’s given to you.

 
One important attribute of a healthy relationship is a peace of mind. Never waste your time in a relationship that consistently deprieved you a peaceful night sleep. Don’t continuously sacrifice your peace of mind just because you thought it will be very difficult to live without a partner that don’t care about your happiness or feelings. It is better to be alone and happy than to be lonely, unhappy and depressed in a relationship.

 
True love is when someone knows a lot about your past and still find you amazing. A person that truly loves you will never use your past mistakes against you.

 
Quit spending time with people who you have to continuously convince to see your worth. Start spending time with people who see your worth even at your worst. Be attracted to people that will convince you on your worst day that you are still worth their world.

 
People cheat because they chose to cheat. Cheating is never a mistake but a choice. Most time when people cheat it has nothing to do with their partner but speaks volume of who they are and what they chose to do.