Tag: Abusive relationship

Relationship Nuggets 001

Relationship is not about finding someone that will provide solution to all your problems. Having such mentality will make you become a liability in your relationship. Rather focus on finding a partner that wouldn’t become another problem in your life. A/An cheating/aggressive/abusive/irresponsible partner will create more problems for you than the happiness they will bring you. Don’t ever settle for an abusive/unhealthy relationship with the hope that things will change for good soon while you keep putting up with the physical/emotional abuse, emotional pain and torture or domestic violence. Hope alone wouldn’t change an abusive partner/relationship for good. Many have gone to their early grave because of this foolish hope. Be wise, it is better to be alone than to endure an abusive relationship. Loneliness wouldn’t kill but abusive relationship has made many leave this world unceremoniously.

 
Everyone comes into a relationship with their baggages. A good relationship is the one where both partners help each other to unpack those baggages. Almost everyone has been hurt, cheated, betrayed, disappointed, lied to in their past relationships and all these have a way of shaping our beliefs about relationships and how we will behave towards our partner in the next relationship. Find someone that will help you unpack your baggages. Fine someone that will help you unlearn bad habit and drop negative belief you picked in your past relationships. Find someone that will assist you to become better person. Their are lots of healthy, loving, lasting and supportive relationships if you are yet to be in one keep searching don’t settle for less.

 
Trust is very important in a relationship. Most issues causing fight, misunderstanding, argument and quarrels can be trace back to trust issues. If you want a healthy, loving and lasting relationship ensure you build a solid foundation of trust between you and your partner. Try as much as possible to be honest, truthful and open about everything and anything that can hurt your partner’s feelings if they found out by themselves. Learn to prevent yourself from lying to someone you want to trust you because you will find it difficult yourself to trust someone who is fond of lying to you.

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Don’t Stay In An Abusive/Unhealthy Relationship: Relationship Is Not A Do Or Die Affair

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

Relationship should not be rush into just because you dread the feeling of being lonely.

Being single doesn’t mean your life is miserable.

So don’t enter into a relationship because you are lonely. You shouldn’t allow loneliness push you into unhealthy or toxic relationship.

Why would you stay in a relationship that bring continuous sorrow and pain to you, when there is someone out there who will cherish you and go the extra mile just to ensure you are happy.

Life is too short why would you decide to spend most of it in sadness and sorrow all in a name of relationship.

Our relationship determines to a great extent if we are going to enjoy our life on earth or not.

Though no relationship is perfect but a healthy relationship will not derail your life or career and bring you continuous sorrow, pain and sleepless night.

A person that truly loves you will always be careful not to hurt your feelings and make concerted effort to make you a happier and better person than you can be without him/her.

Relationship is not all about money.

Relationship is not all about catching feelings.

Relationship is not all about physical attraction.

You must learn to develop your emotional intelligence so as to prevent your emotions from controlling your life and causing you to make wrong choice when it comes to chosing a partner.

You must not allow your emotion to always determine the direction of your life and relationship.

Stop desiring or longing for someone who take you for granted just because he/she looks great or support you financially.

Stop longing for someone who you have to fight for his/her attention and affection just you find it difficult to stop thinking about him/her.

Stop falling in love with the same kind of people that keep using and dumping you.

Stop falling in love with people that make you feel inadequate and hard to love.

You need to displine and guide your heart.

Guide your heart with all dilligent for out of it flows the decision that will make or mar you in life and relationship.

Only give your heart to someone that will value and take good care of it.

Stop chasing people that you need to convince before they notice your worth and uniqueness.

Quit worrying about someone who does not have time for you.

You don’t need to beg for attention and affection from a person that loves and values you.

Learn to let go of any person or relationship that continuously cause you pain/hurt your feelings.

Any relationship that take away your happiness, peace of mind and sound night sleep is too expensive, let it go.

You must learn to know when to keep fighting for your relationship and when to give up on a dead relationship.

Love yourself enough to settle for someone that makes you happy and better.

You must also know that there is a difference between fighting for love and fighting for someone to love you.

Real and true love is never complicated, the moment things is getting complicated that is the best time to walk away.

Complicated relationship is nothing but time waster and joy killer.

Decide to always be with someone that cherish and appreciates you.

Decide to either be in a healthy relationship or be alone.

What You Allow: Will Continue

There is no perfect relationship anywhere.

So don’t expect to have a perfect relationship but healthy and loving relationship is a realistic and attainable goal.

Every relationship has its own challenges but there are some issues that are not part of the challenges expected of a healthy relationship. Once they start showing up in your relationship then you should know that there is a fire on the mountain. Some of these issues include habitual cheating, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation among others.

However, lot of people faces these issues and have gotten accustom to it to the extent of seeing it as a normal part of a relationship which is totally unhealthy.

Virtually, all relationship start on a sweet, loving and romantic note until one of the partners start showing their true colour -character.

If all relationships continues the way they begin, most relationships will never come to an end.
People usually start showing their true colour in relationships when they notice that their partner has become emotionally attached to them or after they have gotten what they want.

It is important to pay attention when your people start acting “who they truly are”. Don’t ever make a mistake of re-painting people when they show you their true colour by making excuses for them because of your emotional attachment to them.

It is better to end a relationship when your partner start showing his or her true colour before you get deeply involved in the quagmire over the time and you wind up in a complicated relationship.

Some people believe that what will be, will be but i don’t think it is wise to totally depend on such philosophy when it comes to relationship.

My belief is you meet your partner by fate and you fell in love by chance but your relationship will only work out by choice- the decisions you and your partner make with respect to your relationship. This is due to the fact that relationship requires effort if it will stand the test of time and be a healthy one.
However, it takes two to tangle. Only you cannot make your relationship healthy, loving and lasting. You and your partner must be actively involved in building your relationship to be healthy, loving and lasting.

In the course of building your relationship a lot of things will happen both the good and the bad. For the good stuff, you must encourage, appreciate and reciprocate if you want it to continue. For the bad stuff, you must address if you want it to stop.
Many people don’t want to be perceived as a nag hence they chose to keep quiet when they notice something is not right in their relationship.

The problem is ignoring a bad situation doesn’t make it disappear as many may have wanted.

It usually make situation worse.

The only way to arrest a bad situation is to address it immediately it rises.

Some people ignore problem because of the fear of what the outcome will be if they address it.

There are two possibilities when you decide to address an issue bothering you in your relationship as a result of your partner’s behaviour. The first is, the situation maybe remedy and your relationship will get better. The second is, the situation may get worse and the relationship will come to an end. Both outcome are very important. The first one indicate that your partner truly love and value you and the relationship while the second indicate otherwise.

Atimes you must be willing to let go before you can make some people want to change for good and stop taking you for granted.

Don’t be afraid of losing a partner that is causing you to continually lose your happiness and peace of mind.

Don’t allow your fear for loneliness make you remain in a relationship that continuously bring you sadness and sorrow.

Don’t allow an abusive relationship make you lose your sanity or send you to an early grave.
Whenever you notice something is not right in your relationship or you caught your partner doing what is not right, it is important to address the situation before it get out of hand.

Beyonce and Cardi B once caught their partner Jay Z and Offset respectively cheating. They address the issue instead of pretending it doesn’t happen. They both made it clear to their partner that they would not tolerate a cheating partner. Beyonce warning for Jay Z gave rise to her song “Lemonade”. Cardi B likewise sang ” Be Careful” to warn her unfaithful fiance, Offset of Migos.
The bottomline is this:

What you continue to keep quiet about and endure will continue to happen in your relationship.

If you are not happy with the situation in your relationship be courageous enough to speak to your partner about it, don’t die in silence.

Relationship is not a do or die affair.

If it is not working and making you happier than you can be on your own let your partner know what he or she is not doing right. Demand a change, if they refuse to change for better it is okay if you work out of the relationship.

Don’t allow any relationship make you feel you deserve to be treated as a second fiddle.

Don’t allow anyone make you feel you deserve to be physically, mentally, sexually or emotionally abuse.

Don’t lose your dignity and self-worth while trying to hold on to a relationship with someone who doesn’t even care about your feelings or happiness.

If you don’t want it to continue, demand a change or walk away. If you tolerate it, it will continue.

Feminism Is Not Hatred For Men: All Men Are Not Scum

Feminism is not hatred for all men based on your experience with few men. If you have been treated badly by some men, blaim it on your wrong choice of men not on the male gender as a whole.

All men can not be seen as a cheat.

All men are not the same.

Never generalize because all generalization is false.

If you think or believe all men are scum, it is because of your experience with few men who are scumbags.

Which means you actually made a mistake of choosing those few scumbag instead of the good men around you for reasons known or unknown to you.
Hating all men will not change anything or do you any good.

Hatred eat up the heart that holds it.

Hatred for men because of your past experience with some men who are scum will only make your life fill with bitterness, it would never improve your life or make it better.

Instead of hating all men because you were not treated well by the ones you have been with, it’s better you take time to evaluate the qualities you are attracted to in men or the kind of men who you have always been having in your life.

Obviously, if you have been attracting the wrong kind of men, changing your choice of men will be the best thing to do instead of hating all men including those who don’t even know you exist.

Take your time to ascertain the qualities of a man before you give him your heart and be head over heel for him.

You should know that there are good men and there are bad men, just like there are good and bad women.

You just need to find the good ones.

If you discovered you are always moving from one unhealthy or abusive relationship to another, do not because of that assumed that all men are scum.

However, It is okay if you concluded that all the men you have been with are nothing but scum based on how you were treated by them.

The solution to your relationship problem is not calling all men scum but changing the kind of men you roll with.

Don’t focus on the problem rather direct your energy on the solution.

Feminism is not hatred for men but a strong belief in equal right and opportunity for all irrespective of the gender.

It means any girl/woman can achieve what any boy/man can achieve or even more.

It means as woman you don’t have to sleep with men before you can takecare of yourself.

It means a woman should not be reduced to just a sex object or baby making machine.

It means as a woman you should not allow any man to manipulate, abuse, maltreat or violate your basic human right all in the name of a relationship or marriage.

It means you can be financially independent. Your gender does not put a limitation on your potential or dreams.

Feminism does not means you should drink, smoke and party hard like guys do.

It means you should give any guy a run for his money.

It means you should strive to be better financially, intellectually, academically, social-relevance wise and in every area just like a man or even better.

Feminism is a movement for freedom for all women all over the world.

However, freedom is not the right to do what you like but what is right.

Set yourself free from any abusive or unhealthy relationship.

Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated, abused, used and dump by men.

Know your worth as a woman. Set standards for yourself.

Be a woman with dignity.

Let it be clear you will not be disrespected in a relationship.

Settle only for men who respect, appreciate, love and treats you well.

Decide to only be with a man that will challenge you to be a better person and support your dream and career.

Don’t settle for just any type of relationship.

If it is not making you happier and better than you can be on your own then it is not worth your precious time and effort.

Don’t hate all men for what few bad men did to you.

Rather focus on finding and spending time with men with good qualities.

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe

Every individual ooze an aura that gives people impression about the kind of person they are.

This aura is also called vibe.

We all give out vibes and this vibe determines the kind of people- tribe, who are attracted to us and how we are treated by people. Our vibe is dependent on factors like our upbringing and past relationships.

For instance, people who were not shown unconditional love during childhood might have a problem with their self esteem and self perception when they become an adult.

Low self esteem will make you second guess yourself.

Low self esteem will make you feel you are not good enough.

The deeply rooted belief that you are not good enough will permeate through your body language, gesture, expression on your face and everything about you.

This sends a wrong message to people around you who will react and treat you accordingly.

People who were repeatedly abuse physically or emotionally during their childhood usually end up getting attracted to partners who physically or emotionally abuse them as an adult. They are so used to abuse to the extent that they sees it as nothing bad or abnornal.

My point is your childhood experience and past relationships can conditioned your mind to accept abnornalities in relationships as your norms.

So what can you do to make a positive change?

The solution is to take time to re-evaluate your life and relationship everyone once in a while.

Take time to identify what is working and what is not.

You can not continue to do the same thing over and over yet expect a different result.

You can not continue to give out the same vibe which attract the same tribe(people) yet expect to experience a different relationship result/experience.

You must ensure you have the right mindset and beliefs about relationship and life.

Never allow your childhood experience and past abusive relationships color your view about relationship in a negative way.

Don’t let your past keep you captive.

Re-define yourself and your perspective about relationship.

Don’t just settle for just any kind of relationship.

Being physically or emotionally abuse in a relationship is an abnormality, don’t ever accept it as your own norm.

Cheating is not normal in a healthy relationship, don’t settle for partners that are habitual cheaters.

It’s better to be alone and be happy than to be in a relationship that constantly cause you tears, pain and hurt.

Learn to love yourself and cease to spend time with people who continuously make you believe you are not good enough.

You are special, unique, amazing, wonderful and lovable.

Negative opinions of people about you should not be your reality. Create your own reality.

Adopt a positive mindset about life and relationship.

Set boundary for people. Don’t allow people to take you for granted or treat you badly. Learn to walk away from negative people and unhealthy relationships.

Build up your self-confidence. Respect and treat yourself very well.

You are good enough.

Break free from vicious circle of abusive and unhealthy relationships.

Love yourself unconditionally and keep company of people genuinely love you and values you.

Finally, be conscious of the vibe you give out. Ensure you are giving out positive vibes so as to attract positive people(tribe).

Hurting People Hurt People

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Love and human beings are inseparable. Love is just an abstract thing which totally depend on human to be felt or expressed.

Love is a beautiful thing but human can chose to be good or wicked.

Your experience of love is totally dependent on the persons you encountered in your quest to find love.

If you come in contact with a wholesome person you will have a wholesome love experience. On the other hand, if you come in contact with a hurting person, what will most definitely happen is they will hurt you too either intentionally or otherwise.

 

I observe that there is a lot of bitter, broken and hurting persons has a result of hurt and disappointment from past failed relationships resulting in a vicious cycle of unhealthy and abusive relationships in recent time.

If you are hurting or broken hearted rushing into another relationship is not the best choice for you.

Oftentimes hurting people rush into the arm of another romantic partner not out of love but loneliness.

If you are hurting or broken hearted healing process should be your number one priority not another love affair.

When you are hurting you wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to give your best in a relationship.

You will be skeptical about love and everything about the new partner. You will have trust and commitment issues. You will be absent minded in the relationship. All of these and many more will directly or indirectly hurt your new partner.

It is important to ensure you seek healing for your hurting and broken heart before you consider sharing the heart with someone new.

Don’t let someone who have no idea about who hurt you suffer for the pain and hurt you experienced in your past relationship.