Love Doctor’s Advice 009

Never use your lover’s past mistakes to judge them. Don’t blackmail your partner emotionally by criticising them based on their mistakes in past relationship. The past can not be undo. Let the past be in the past. It is only best used to understand your partner and know what make them tick. Use your partner’s past to know how best to love them.

 
Any person that knows your worth and really want you in their life will never put you in a position to fight for a spot in their life. Respect yourself enough to only be where you are needed. When you are needed, you will be respected, celebrated and appreciated. Don’t fight or force your way into any person’s life.

 
No relationship in the past is a waste of time. It either gave you joy or taught you a lesson. Don’t let the baggages from your past relationship destroy your present or future relationship. Pick the good lessons and unlearn the bad habits you pick up from your past toxic relationship. Use every past mistakes and failure to get wiser and better not bitter. Don’t treat the person in your life presently badly just because you have been treated badly in your past relationships. Don’t let your past destroy your present or future.

 
The fastest way to get yourself confused about who is best for you in a relationship is to get yourself involved with more than one partner at a time. Multiple-dating often make people end up with the wrong person when its time to settle down.

 
Be careful of the belief that believes giving your lovers a test is the best way to determine the person that loves you most and best suited for you. It is said that examination is not the best way to evaluate the ability of students to determine the best student. In a similar vein, the fact that a person passed your test doesn’t guarentee he or she is the best choice for you.

 

Happy Easter Monday To You All.

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See Beyond The Flaws

Most times we let ourselves get carried away by the idea of an ideal or perfect lover somewhere that we miss out on the opportunity of seeing the beauty and uniqueness of the person we already have in our life.

I must tell you that there is no perfect person anywhere.

And there is no perfect relationship anywhere.

Every individual have their flaws, secret and shortcomings just like you.

Every relationship has its good times and bad times. The only way to enjoy a loving and healthy relationship is to see beyond the flaws and imperfections of the person you are with.

Find their strengths and celebrate it.

Learn to accept people the way they are, flaws and all if their flaws wouldn’t cause you physical, mental and emotional harm.

The important thing is to find someone who is willing to be with you through thick and thin.

When you find such a person build a great relationship with them.

True love is not found but built. #278 Quote

Trust Issues In Relationship

 

      Relationship is the spice of life.

Relationship is an integral part of us being a social animal.

The people around us contribute to a large extent to our happiness and how our lives turned out.

Romantic relationship is the most intimate amongst the different types of relationship and it commands a great influence over our lives.

Relationship when healthy and full of love makes life more beautiful and interesting.

Relationships are built on trust.

Trust issues is one of the root cause of problems encounter in relationship.

Trust, they say is earned. Not to be given freely.

However, many don’t understand how trust and relationship work, this is the root cause of disappointment, betrayal and heart breaks experienced in relationship.

Some people believe once you love a person, automatically you should trust the person.

Well, I stand to differ because of my observation in many failed relationships caused by betrayed trust.

Trust for me is something that must be earned.

After your trust is earned, you must verify if the person you gave your trust to still deserves it because people change.

This will help you from getting excessively hurt, devastated and heart broken incase your partner have ulterior motives for having a relationship with you.

As it is now rampart these days.

The fact that you love someone and you are emotionally attached to them is not enough reason to just give them your trust.

Trusting people just because you love them is trusting blindly.

Many people who have trust in this manner have been deeply hurt and regretted not making effort to verify if the person they trust is actually trustworthy because they are blinded by love.

An instance is a lady dating a guy who claim to be single but unknown to her that the guy is married with kids.

It is important to know that not everyone who claim to love you truly loves you.

Some claim to love you so as to use or manipulate you for their own purpose.

This is the reason you must make concerted effort to be sure the lover you are about to put your trust has your interest in mind.

Verifying trust makes it possible to discover a lover whose purpose is to use us for their own means at a early stage in the relationship.

This will help reduce the pain and ache experienced at discovering you are not really loved by the person but just a pawn they planned to use in order to achieve an end.

Put a price on your trust. Don’t just give it out blindly in the name of love.

Love is not what it used to be. The reason we feel some must when a lover does something we don’t like is because we have entrusted our emotions in them hoping they won’t hurt us.

Trust is very delicate.

Don’t just trust blindly.

Be careful of who you give your trust to.

Don’t be a victim of emotional manipulator.

I will love to get your feedback on this discussion.

Physical Attraction Is Not Enough

One of the numerous reasons relationships fail these days is because they are built on a wrong foundation.

Don’t fall in love just because of looks.

Look deeper.

See beyond the face value.

Beautiful heart is more precious than just a beautiful face.

When he/ she hurts or cheats on you repeatedly, you will not remember how attractive they look.

If you want a lasting and healthy relationship focus on finding someone with a beautiful heart than a beautiful face or body.

A person with a beautiful heart will make your world more beautiful.

#269 Quote

Love Doctor’s Advice 008

Communication is the lifeline of a loving and healthy relationship. Make effort to communicate with your partner on a daily basis. Don’t assume your partner understand things. Assumptions is the cause of most misunderstanding and conflicts. Communicate your thoughts, fears, concerns and mood clearly. Make sure you are understood. When you make your partner understand what you are passing through, it will be easy for them to provide support. Regular communication makes partner not just lovers but also best friends.

 
There is nothing perfect in this imperfect world. No one is perfect including you. So stop expecting your partner to be perfect. Stop setting unrealistic expectations and standards for your partner. Accept your partner the way they are. If there is need for improvement, communicate it with love. Nothing transforms people faster than love. Complaining and nagging hardly works.

 
Don’t avoid arguments and misunderstanding by all cost in your relationship. Most relationships without little arguments and fights here and there, are usually full of secrets and partners who don’t really care. Give room for quarrels and misunderstanding, it enables you to know each other better. Though they must be handle maturely and you must put the relationship first ahead of individual’s ego.

 
Misunderstanding and conflicts are normal occurrence when two people from different backgrounds, exposure and temperament come together as one in a relationship. Expect and understand this so you don’t think you two have fall out of love when it starts happening. Create a harmless way to resolve the misunderstanding and conflicts that will inevitably happen in your relationship.You must resolved never to attack each other physically or use deregatory language against each other during quarrels. Such resolution helps a great deal. When you are determined to resolve issues and not dissolve your relationship. It will strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

 
Respect is very important in a relationship if you want it to be a healthy, loving and lasting one. You must respect your partner’s opinion, space and person- who they are. Respect should never be a one sided affair. It should not be genderly based. Respect should be reciprocated. Give your partner respect and expect it in return.

Danger Of Staying Too Long In An Unhealthy Relationship

I once read a story of an eaglet some few years ago that best illustrates the danger of staying too long in an unhealthy relationship.

Here is the story. A hunter saw an eagle’s egg on his way home from a deep forest.

He actually went on a hunt for bush meat but he was unable to kill a single animal.

As a compensation for his wasted time on a futile hunt, he decided to take the egg home.

When he reached home, he put the egg amidst the eggs of one of his laying hens in his backyard.

With time the hen hatched all the eggs under it. The young eagle not knowing better flock with the chicks.

He settled for the low life of a mere chicken. His behavior and expectations were same as the other chicks, unknown to him that he was designed for something better and greater.

Until one faithful afternoon,while picking up worm for lunch, the eaglet saw another young eagle soaring high in the sky. The image of the eaglet in the sky  created a strange stirring and desire within him that is totally different to what he was used to. Suddenly it dawned on the eaglet that he was settling for less than he deserves because he knew that there was no single difference between him and the soaring eaglet.

It was the desire to experience something better and the knowledge that he deserves more than he has been experiencing in the hunter’s backyard that liberated the eaglet and led him to experience the brighter and elevated side of life. The end.
Most of us are like that eaglet because we allow our environment and experience to put a limit on our expectations in life especially in the aspect of our relationship.

Because we have stayed alone for too long, we decided to jump on any person that comes our way asking us for a relationship. Just because we have been used, dumped or jilted in our past relationships and age is no longer on our sides, we start praying to just find someone, anyone that we will get married to, without due consideration about the kind of marriage life we want and what kind person is ideal for us.
Some people have known only unhealthy relationships that they start believing relationships is a waste of time.

Many even start seeing healthy relationship as normal relationships because they have stayed too long in too many unhealthy relationships and they are already acclimated. The danger in this is you soon beginning to get used to being treated badly and as a matter of fact you may start expecting and enjoying it.

You will beginning to lose your self esteem. You might even pick up bad or toxic habit that has the potential to destroy your future healthy relationship.

Unhealthy relationships make you see yourself as someone who doesn’t deserve what she/ he wants or desires.

It makes you think you are not loveable or it’s difficult to love you.

You may start thinking you are meant to always be a second fiddle to your partner because you are used to competing for love and attention.

You might even begin to think it’s okay to beg for love and attention.

It can make a lady feels its normal to be continuously cheated on by her guy.

It can also make a lady feels it is normal to be hit repeatedly by men.
A part of us long for something better.

We want someone that will love us unconditionally and completely.

We want someone that will love and care for us selflessly and endlessly.

This usually happens when we see people who are in love and treating each other well.

The same stirring to go for something better that aroused in the eaglet occur in us.

But we often convinced ourselves that what we long for is not realistic. We assumed that the relationship we are not happy with, is the only realistic thing so we hold on tightly to what is hurting us, that, we are supposed to let go because of the fear of being alone.

We allow the fear of being alone to prevent us from experiencing something better by letting go of a toxic relationship to create room for a loving and healthy relationship.

Instead of doing the needful we would rather choose to be hopeful that our partner will one day turn a new leaf and start treating us better.

Atimes we even start lowering our standard and expectations concerning our relationship.

This usually happened unconsciously.

The adserve effect of unhealthy relationship is too numerous for this article to exhaust.

The best thing to do is to move out of unhealthy relationship. It is better to be alone than to be in a toxic relationship.

My first aim of writing this piece is to let you know the danger of staying too long in an unhealthy relationship.

Secondly to remind you of what you deserves as a human being.

You deserve the following:
1. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t leave you guessing where you stand with them.
2. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel like you are not good enough for them.
3. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel crazy for wanting to spend more time with them.
4. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you compete or fight for their love, care and attention.
5. You deserve a relationship with someone who finds you amazing and can never get enough of you.
6. You deserve a relationship with someone who thinks you are the best thing that has ever happened to them.
7. You deserve a relationship with someone who makes you feel loved, special and unique: and treats you better than you think you deserve.
8. You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t always wait for you to first reach out to them before making effort to talk to you.
9. You deserve a relationship with someone who truly loves you and always put your happiness ahead or equal with their own.
10. You deserve a relationship with someone who will accept you the you are and never used your past to judge you.
11. You deserve a relationship with someone who will support, encourage and bring out the best in you.
Feel free to add yours to the list. The bottom line is don’t waste your time in an unhealthy relationship and you are not crazy for craving for something better in your relationship pursuit.

I hope you find this piece quite helpful.

I really value your feedback.

My First One Month Of Blogging

Today marks a month I started this blog site.

I am really glad that I finally got a medium to let the world know about my philosophy and ideology about relationships and life in general.

I really appreciate every single person that have visited my blog and read through my posts.

I appreciate those that like and comment on my post.

I appreciate those that are following me.

I really appreciate all the people from Nigeria, South Africa, Egypt, America,United Kingdom, European Union and other countries that I can’t mention who do visit my blog.

I really wish to hear how much my write up has helped improve your relationship.

I must not forget to thank a certain  viewer from America that is always the first to see my post.

I appreciate every single person who has visited and view my post. You guys are the reason I stay up late at night to write and post.

I love you all….

Thank you….

E Se pupo which means thanks a lot in Yoruba language.

Please keep visiting and viewing my post. I will be greatly honored if you can also share the post with others on your social media page.

Thank you once again