Author: seyilovedoctor

An advocate of healthy and loving relationships. A love poet. Writer. Advisor.

It’s Better To Be Single And Lonely

Two are better than one because they can keep each other’s company, make each other happy, care for each other, encourage and support each other.

This is the essence of a relationship.

Relationship should add value to our lives not detract it.

Relationship should make our lives easier not complicated.

Relationship should help us to become happier and better than we can be on our own not the other way round.

Relationship should help us stay focus on what is important and achieve our dreams and ambitions not distract us and hold us back.

Life has its ups and downs already relationship should not add to it. Many stuff in life for instance work causes stress so relationship should not compound it.

Relationship is not a do or die affair. You don’t have to be in a relationship just because you are afraid or tired of being single and lonely.

Don’t stay in a relationship that makes your life miserable and deprived you of your peace of mind and sound night sleep.

It’s is better to be alone than to be in a relationship with a partner who is doing any of the following:

 
1) A partner that takes you and your efforts for granted.

 
2) A partner that lies to you about everything and anything, making you look like a fool in the presence of others.

 
3) A partner that makes you look like a fool for caring too much.

 
4) A partner who put you in doubt about where you actually belong in their life. Someone who is not committed to you.

 
5) A partner who takes undue advantage of you financially or in any way just because they know you love them so much and you are willing to do anything for them.

 
6) A partner who feels like he or she is doing you a favor by being with you.

 
7) A partner who doesn’t respect, support or appreciate you.

 
8) A partner that abuses you physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually.

 
9) A partner who sees and treats you as a competitor and feels threatened by your success and progress in life and career especially when you are getting ahead of them.

 
10) A partner who you have to beg for his/her attention and affection.

 
Relationship should be something you start because you have found the right person who is willing to put in the same effort you will put to ensure things work out.

Relationship should only start when you have find that one person that truly loves and cares about you just the same you do about them and also need you in his/her life to complete and compliment it like you also need them.

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Competition is not ideal in a healthy relationship. It breeds a hostile atmosphere. Relationship is about togetherness not battle of the sexes. Relationship is not about fighting for which gender is superior. Healthy relationship involves two partners supporting and understanding each other. The right mindset in a relationship should be to see the failure of one as the failure of all: And same for success. Partners should encourage each other to break boundaries not compete with each other for who will be more successful and richer. See your partner as your team mate not as your competitor. When you support each other, you will grow, succeed and stay together.

 

Be careful of who you tell everything that happens in your relationship and who you run to for relationship advice. Most people you see as friends are not really your friends. Oftentimes they get jealous and bitter when you tell them about the happenings in your relationship. Most times your friends wish they have the kind of relationship you have that you are still complaining one or two things about to them. Human are naturally jealous and envious when they see people who have what they lack. And very few people can keep their jealous/envy under control, most people usually allow it to control them. This fact can make your friends give you advice that will make you do stuff that will ruin your relationship or even snatch away your partner from you. So before you take advice from a friend, you should always ask yourself will it help improve your relationship or make things worse.

 

Faithfulness is becoming a rare trait these days. If you want a faithful partner you must first choose to be a faithful person yourself. Then you must be determined never to settle for a cheating/unfaithful partner. Work on yourself to get to the state of mind when you tell a cheating partner to be faithful or lose you irrespective of how much you love and want to be with that person. Grow and develop yourself in every aspect of your life. When you work on yourself to become someone of great value it will become difficult for you to tolerate shit in a relationship. Make yourself that partner that brings value to a relationship apart from money(man) and your body(woman). Make yourself that partner that someone is afraid to lose because it will be difficult to replace him/her. Be a faithful and value adding partner.

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Love involves making sacrifices. However, it is totally unwise to make sacrifices blindly for someone just because you love him/her. Before you make sacrifices in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if the person you want to make sacrifice for will do the same for you if you are in his/her position. You deserve the kind of love you give out. Love is not just about giving, it also involves receiving. Don’t be the only one going out of your way to ensure the relationship continue to exist. If the feelings, effort and sacrifice are not mutual then it is not good for your mental and emotional well-being. Stay clear of any person that pressurise you to make sacrifices for them before starting a relationship with you or a partner that put continuous pressure on you to make sacrifices for them and start acting funny each time you are unable to do what they want. People like these are not with you because they want to be with you but for what they stand to gain from being with you.

 

 
There is no amount of sacrifices you can make for someone in the name of love that will make him/her to stay in your life forever if he/she doesn’t want to stay. Making sacrifices for someone that doesn’t love you will make him/her sees you as a means to achieve his/her ends. Such a person will eventually leave you after using you to achieve their ends. Be wise, only make sacrifices for people that truly loves you and will deeply appreciate your efforts for them. Make sacrifices for people you are assured of your position in their lifes. People who won’t hesitate to do more than you have done for them in the relationship when the need arises.

 

 

Communication is key to building a healthy and loving relationship. If you want to retain the fire of romance between you and your partner make effort to communicate on a daily basis when you are together and when you far apart. And you don’t need to have something special to discuss before you reach out to your partner. Create an enabling environment for easy flow of communication between you and your partner. Make your partner feel at ease to say out their mind without the fear of being judged or criticized. Regular communication will make the bond between you and your partner grow stronger and it will also help you and your partner to understand each other better day by day. If you want to be your partner’s best friend and confidant improve on the level of communication between you and him/her.

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Relationship is not a do or die affair. It is something to be enjoy not endure. Truth be told, relationship is not expected to be a bed of roses all of the time but it shouldn’t be a bed of thorns most/all of the time you are with your partner. The only relationship worthy of your time and effort is a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship your efforts is appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t be in a relationship where you are the only one doing the loving, checking up and apologizing when things go wrong. Such relationship is not good for your mental and emotional well-being. You deserve a relationship where you are loved, cherish, appreciated, pampered and celebrated. So don’t settle for a relationship where you are treated badly or like you are a scumbag.

 
Do you know what you want in a relationship? Before starting a new relationship, the first and most important thing to do is to know exactly what you want in a relationship. Knowing what you want will prevent you from ending up with what you don’t want. After having a concrete knowledge of what you want in a relationship, you must be determined to fight the temptation to settle for less. People who settled for less usually regret it later and end up telling people that care to listen that they would have marry another person if not for one reason or another. It’s important to note that knowing what you want in a relationship has nothing to do with setting unrealistic standards. It involves knowing the qualities you want in a mate and how you want to be treated in a relationship.

 
You don’t need a perfect person in order to have a healthy and loving relationship. All you need is a person that is willing to put in effort needed to make you feel loved and happy. A person that wouldn’t take you for granted or become a source of pain and hurt to you after you have show how much you love him/her. A person that will value, respect, cherish and appreciate you. A person that will know your weakness, past mistakes, imperfection and flaws yet still finds you amazing and beautiful. A person that won’t get tired of you no matter how long you have been together. A person that will be faithful, committed and loyal to you. When you find such a person never take such for granted because relationship can only be healthy, loving and lasting if both partners are willing and committed to make it so.

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When it comes to making decision concerning your relationship, always follow your heart. Pay attention to what your mind/inner voice is telling you. Don’t ignore the red flag just because you have become emotionally attached to the person in question.. And never ignore the green flag just because things don’t look rosy yet for the prospective partner or because of fear of what people will say based on your choice of partner. Be the master of your relationship fate. Don’t let people rush/pressurize you into a relationship or marriage with the wrong person. Don’t let people decide for you. When(the time) to marry or be in a relationship is totally up to you. Who(the person) you should get marry to or be in a relationship with is also totally up to you. Be open to advise but be sure you are the one making the final decision because it is you that will be in the relationship/marriage. Your happiness and peace of mind should be the one factor to determine if a relationship is worth your effort and time or not.

 

Atimes the best decision to make is to choose to let go. Don’t let the fear of the unknown and loneliness make you hold on tight to someone/relationship that is affecting your physical, mental and emotional well-being negatively. It is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship where you are made to feel lonely. A relationship is supposed to shield you from physical and emotional hurt/pain not to be the one causing it. Any relationship that is constantly taking away your peace of mind, happiness and sound sleep should be too expensive for you to maintain. Let go of who/what is hurting you. It won’t be easy from the beginning but it will get better with time and it will worth it in the long run.

 

A cheat will always be a cheat no matter what you do or didn’t do. A partner that want to cheat will always find a reason to cheat and an excuse to justify himself/herself. So Don’t be so hard on yourself when you find out your partner is cheating on you. It is not your fault. It doesn’t mean you are not good enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough. When your partner cheat on you it doesn’t show you have a problem but only indicates they have a problem with being faithful and loyal to a single partner. When you discovered that your partner is cheating but you still want to continue with the relationship then it’s better to focus on the real problem which is your cheating partner, don’t waste time fighting with who they cheated on you with. The only way to prevent your partner from cheating on you is to vividly put it across to him/her that you will not put up with being cheated on in a relationship. Let it be clear to your partner that if they step of the union to get sexual satisfaction there won’t be any union to come back to. Someone that truly loves you and want you to be part of his/her life will be willing to put in the effort to stay faithful and loyal to you because he/she won’t want to lose you when you make it clear that it’s either faithfulness or nothing at all. If he/she doesn’t stop sleeping around you should know that you don’t mean much to that person.

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Relationship is not about finding someone that will provide solution to all your problems. Having such mentality will make you become a liability in your relationship. Rather focus on finding a partner that wouldn’t become another problem in your life. A/An cheating/aggressive/abusive/irresponsible partner will create more problems for you than the happiness they will bring you. Don’t ever settle for an abusive/unhealthy relationship with the hope that things will change for good soon while you keep putting up with the physical/emotional abuse, emotional pain and torture or domestic violence. Hope alone wouldn’t change an abusive partner/relationship for good. Many have gone to their early grave because of this foolish hope. Be wise, it is better to be alone than to endure an abusive relationship. Loneliness wouldn’t kill but abusive relationship has made many leave this world unceremoniously.

 
Everyone comes into a relationship with their baggages. A good relationship is the one where both partners help each other to unpack those baggages. Almost everyone has been hurt, cheated, betrayed, disappointed, lied to in their past relationships and all these have a way of shaping our beliefs about relationships and how we will behave towards our partner in the next relationship. Find someone that will help you unpack your baggages. Fine someone that will help you unlearn bad habit and drop negative belief you picked in your past relationships. Find someone that will assist you to become better person. Their are lots of healthy, loving, lasting and supportive relationships if you are yet to be in one keep searching don’t settle for less.

 
Trust is very important in a relationship. Most issues causing fight, misunderstanding, argument and quarrels can be trace back to trust issues. If you want a healthy, loving and lasting relationship ensure you build a solid foundation of trust between you and your partner. Try as much as possible to be honest, truthful and open about everything and anything that can hurt your partner’s feelings if they found out by themselves. Learn to prevent yourself from lying to someone you want to trust you because you will find it difficult yourself to trust someone who is fond of lying to you.

4 Signs That Will Let You Know If He Is A Player

One of the most frequently asked questions from ladies in Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa and India whenever I am sought after for relationship advice is “how can I know if he is real? “.

In other words, they are asking how can they differentiate between a guy that that truly loves them from those guys that just want to hit the jackpot few things and then hit the road.

Lot of single ladies are concerned about knowing how to separate a guy with genuine interest from the guy that is just after sex.

Guys who after getting sex move to the next available woman. Guys like that are often referred to as players because they play with ladies emotions in order to get what they want.

This article is written in order to help you spot guys whose intentions is to play around love just to get you to bed and then move to the next lady.

My purpose of writing is to help you as a lady avoid unnecessary heartbreaks, heartaches and disappointment.

Who is a player?

A player is someone who plays around love in order to get sex.

He pretends to have genuine interest in a lady until he gets what he is really after then shows his true colours.

A player is just after the moment, he doesn’t foresee a future with you.

A player is like a hunter, he keeps his gaze upon his target.

He does everything practically possible to get his target.

He chase unrelentingly until he gets what he wants.

He goes the extra mile.

He deceive.

He play the fool.

He creates a magnificent impression that makes him appear larger than life.

He is a rake and dandy.

The moment he gets what he wants from you the hunting game change.

The table turns in his favour because the chase becomes the chaser.

Once this happen they have the upper hand and begin to call the shot.

They will manipulate and take undue advantage of such a lady that falls into their Trap.

So how can you avoid falling victim to a player?

Here are signs that will help you know if a guy have a genuine intentions for you or he is just one of those players who are after sex and nothing more.

 
1) He Avoids Anything Definitive: One of the tricks of players is to be vague in their approach to ladies and relationships.

A player try every possible means to avoid being committed to just one lady/relationship.

They make you get confused about what exactly you have with them. You will be sure it’s not mere friendship because sex is involved but you won’t be able to define it as a relationship.

They leave doubting what you mean to them and where you belong in their lives.

They will awake your love without planning to actually love you back. They will make you become emotionally attached and hopeful about them without being committed to you.

They give you false hope that things will soon get serious between the two of you.

Their actions towards you will make you to continue to give them a benefit of doubt.

They will keep enjoying the benefits (your cookies) while you are in doubt of what exactly you share, who you are to them and if things will ever get serious.

Avoid guys who want to eat your cookies without any form of commitment.

If you are looking for a serious relationship don’t waste your time with someone who avoids defining what exist between you and him but just want you to go with the flow.

Guys like this want the package without paying for it.

They want to enjoy the goodies in a relationship without actually being in it in commitment-wise.

Before giving your goodies to a guy make you have both defined what you both want and he will be committed to you and the relationship.

Don’t be that lady he gives attention and affection to whenever he is horny.

These days players don’t hit and run. They hit and hit and hit until you run away yourself.

Be smart. Don’t be a sex object to any guy.

Define what is it that exist between you and a guy and let be clear to both of you.

 

2. He entices with money and material stuff: Players believe every woman has a price.

Player believe with money you can get any woman to open her legs. They believe all it takes to get any woman is money and material stuff.

Truth be told, this is true for many ladies though.

So a player never fails to use this weakness to their advantage when it comes to chasing women.

A player try his possible best to create a larger than life impression.

And this usually work because most ladies enter into a relationship because of monetary and material gain.

A player makes plan on how much he needs to spend in order to impress and get a lady to bed.

He is usually not bother about the cash he has to part with in order to get a lady because he doesn’t plan staying long with her.

His plan is always simple: spend some money to impress her, get her to bed and change your attitude towards her.

Some players even take the game to another level by not changing their attitude but planning to get the money they spent on the lady back through emotional manipulation and black mail.

So be careful if you run into a guy who is overly focus on impressing you with money and material stuff.

Think twice before you fall head over heels for such a guy because he might just be a player using it as a bait to trap you into his game.

 
3. He does everything in excess: This is another signs to look out for. A player studies his target and determines which method is best to put to use in order to get what he want.

They can be extremely controlling or assertive so as to intimidate you and make you give in.

They can also be extremely patient with you if you are proving difficult or hard to get.

Heard of stories of guys been patient with a girl for months just to in between the legs and still hit the road after getting it.

They can be extremely sweet with words if they find that to be your soft spot. Such will be sweet to you whenever he wants to get you to bed and change afterwards.

They can be extremely blunt about sex just to make you feel it is the coolest thing to do with them.

Most of these extremely blunt guys can stand a lady saying no to them. As a result they might insult and humiliate you just because you don’t give in to their sexual advances.

 
4. He doesn’t make attempt to connect with you: One thing that is certain about we guys is we usually try to connect with a lady we have genuine feelings for and plan having in our lives for a long period of time.

We always make effort to find out stuff about a lady we love in order to understand and be able to relate with her well.

In other words, we make concerted effort to connect if we truly mean business.

A player is not really interested in getting to know you as a person but just interested in getting under your skirt.

If he doesn’t make attempt to connect with you before getting physical with you changes are high he will never try to.

Don’t make a mistake of giving him more sex will make him become interested in you.

There is no amount of sex that will change the mind of someone that is not interested in you except for sex.
Finally, I will advise you also follow your heart. Our mind and heart have an uncanny prowess to detect if someone has genuine intention for us or not but most times we ignore the guidance of our heart and mind and still give the wrong person a chance to hurt us.

We usually allow loneliness, peer pressure, financial benefits and physical attraction get the best of us and distract us from seeing people the way they are.